


Wonder

by Maddzz



Category: Preath, USWNT - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:34:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27629617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maddzz/pseuds/Maddzz
Summary: Christen is starting college, she is a little uncertain about herself at the best of times, but a stranger in a nightclub makes things even harder for her. Follow Christen's journey as she works through her feelings with the help of Tobin.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 9
Kudos: 61





	1. Observe

Christens POV*

College was boring, it was study, go to class, study some more, do assignments, study, go to class. It never ended. I desperately sought excitement, something to break up the day's. The bars in town were good but, in the long term, not so great. You can get drunk on a weekend but work and school calls during the week.

I'd met a few people at the bars and clubs, none I'd really clicked with though. I had made a few friends though which was nice, I'd moved hours from home and finding new friends was taking time. I wasn't naturally outgoing as such, but that all changed with a little bit of alcohol and dim enough lights that nobody would really recognise me.

I was guilty of a few things, sleeping too much, forgetting my assignments, and skipping lectures. College was hard, college wasn't at all like school and I was overwhelmed almost all the time. I tried to talk to my friends about it, but none of them were feeling the same. One suggested a tutor, one a Councillor. I didn't want to see either of them, but a college brochure suggested a student support group. It was run in the afternoons on a Friday, today, It didn't involve any staff but was lead by a college counselor who encouraged free speech so students could talk about their problems and bounce ideas off of each other. I wasn't the most keen to take part, but I was feeling lonely, and I needed some people who were feeling a familiar thing.

I drank every weekend, it helped me to forget, or at least ignore all the paperwork that I had piling up. Except, it gave me a new problem, the object of my desire. To be completely honest, I was so inebriated I don't even remember what it was that my mind is so fixated on. All I have is...his phone number, and the faintest memory of a stunning jawline. We had been texting back and forth for a week, but at this point I was too afraid to ask his name, or anything really. All I remember was the jawline, and a somewhat feminine side, but the large hooded jumper and almost pitch black club meant I had absolutely no idea what they looked like.

I know they went to my college, they liked beer, they liked baggy clothes, and they wore a womens perfume. The perfume had caught me off guard but it was a nice scent so I didn't pay it a second thought. My mystery love had been dropping cute notes under the door of my room for a fortnight now, little heart shaped post notes covered in compliments.

It was sweet, so sweet. It was the only exciting thing that was happening in my life. I desperately wanted to see him in person, maybe go for coffee, I don't know, just to talk and break up the monotony of college life. I liked how soft they were, I don't meet that many sensitive men, and I'm glad I've found one. I don't know if this is a casual thing, or if it's going to get to more than that, but for now, I'm happy.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, it almost scared me enough to make me fall off the side of the bed. "??? to Christen: I'm going to this college support group thing, you said you were going thru some things, come with me?" What a coincidence, I suppose a friend would be nice. How would I know what he looked like? This could be problematic.

"Christen to ???: I was actually thinking about going today too, tell me what you're wearing so I can find u?" I texted back, hopefully subtle enough they wouldn't read too far into my forgetful state.

"??? to Christen: What, don't u remember me haha???" the mystery texter replied, I know it was a joke, but I wasn't kidding.

"Christen to ???: I mean, it was dark and I don't wanna spend five minutes looking for you :(" I sent back, god I hope they don't get offended, I feel so mean.

"??? to Christen: Meet me in the hall out the front of the room they're holding it in, I'll wait for u, leaving my room now tho." Great, now at least I get to quell my curiosity, I'm excited to finally put a face to the text messages. I don't know if it's possible, but I've fallen in love with text messages.

The sound of my phone vibrating was enough to send butterflies throughout my body, I felt like a lovesick sixteen year old again. My mind was falling in love with sensitive texts, and the addition of the letter 'X' to the end of a message, I hadn't even fallen for a face, or a voice, just texts.

I threw on a pink sweater and some football shorts before making my way down stairs, the hall was about three minutes away, a nice walk, but not so much in this snow. I picked up the pace and walked into the heated hall, I started to scan the room, I couldn't see anyone familiar, just a girl in men's clothes in the corner. Maybe I'd beaten him? I took a seat at a small table and unlocked my phone, no unread messages, and I was in the right place, where are they?

My mind began to wander off to about a fortnight ago when we'd first met... The club was dark, drinks were being served at the bar, the bartenders struggling to keep up with the demand, so many bodies crowded the bar it was impossible to tell what limbs belonged to what person. I had already been pre drinking before I got here. I was buzzed enough that outlines of everything were a little blurry, but I wasn't stumbling around yet.

A figure approached from the dance floor, tall, handsome, his face was mostly covered by a hoodie, but I could see their jawline, sharp, and their deep dark eyes. I felt myself get a little lost in his dark chocolate like eyes. They motioned for me to follow, I obliged, I'd follow this stranger anywhere, wow serial killers would love a dumbass like me. "I'm Tobin," came a hoarse voice, yelling over the music wasn't an easy feat, I'm lucky I heard it at all.

"Christen!" I yelled back, they nodded as we hit the middle of the dance floor. We danced for a little while, I had more to drink, the dancing got more and more suggestive until I started to lose my memory. I remember a bathroom and some kissing, I think he stopped me. Why are we in the women's bathroom? Why isn't anyone else concerned? The last I remember I was being carried up the college stairs.

"You looking for someone?" A woman called from behind me somewhere, I spun around to see the girl from before. She was wearing a big red jumper and a pair of cuffed jeans, I looked her up and down, she looked familiar but I don't know why. I nodded back at her and she began to approach the table. "Long time no see Christen," she added, taking a seat on the opposite side of the table.

Long time no see Christen? Did I know her? I guess my puzzled look gave her enough of a hint to elaborate. "From the bar?" she continued, tilting her head to look at me. She took her phone from her pocket and showed a text chain, the same text chain I had been on just prior to being here.

"You're a girl?" I spluttered out shocked. Her face wrinkled in surprise, she nodded and I froze. I took a good look at her, broad shoulders, sharp jawline, beautiful piercing eyes, and the smell of a familiar women's perfume. "Oh my god I feel so stupid," I giggled, I had been flirting with a woman this whole time.

"I mean, yeah? Did you think I was a man? Christen you tried to make out with me in the women's bathroom less than a fortnight ago," she replied, putting her head into her hands to stifle laughter.

"I...wow," I breathed in deeply to stop myself from laughing, "Did we-"

"Sleep together? No. Despite your best drunken attempts, clothes stayed on. I carried you to your dorm while you sang Disney songs, you tried to make me stay but I didn't want to overstep any boundaries," She cut me off mid sentence to give me the rest of the night's details, oh wow. This is very weird, but at least I know how she knew where my room was now.

"I don't even like women," I admitted coyly, I didn't want to hurt her feelings but, it wasn't something I was used to. To be fair, half the men I see I don't like either.

"Yeah no I see that now," she shrugged, "I don't want to make you feel awkward so I'll go inside and wait for the meeting," she added, I watched every syllable roll off her lips, she had beautifully shaped lips, and such beautiful eyes, why did she have to be a woman? I watched her walk away into the room where the support group was about to start, she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, if I WAS into women, she'd be the one.

I walked in not long after she had, the only seat left was directly opposite her, I sat down and looked at my lap so I wouldn't look at her. Until I made the mistake of looking up, her eyes locked with mine, she took my breath away. If god were a woman....

I couldn't look away, I was mesmerized, this woman was stunning. Never had a man left me speechless, never had a man made me feel soft. But this woman, I had butterflies in my stomach, my head was spinning with thoughts of her.

The Councillor began to speak and the group meeting began, I couldn't look away, until she did. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I'm clueless. I don't think I heard a thing anyone said, not even when the group was dismissed. I stayed put in my chair as everyone else filed out. My subconscious was absent, there was a weird pressure sitting on my shoulders, a weight.

"Miss Press?" the Councillor stated, looking at me confused, "You can go," she added, dragging me out of my mind.

"Do you know who that girl was? The one in the red jumper?" I asked, I was ever so curious.

"I don't, her last name was Heath though, sorry I don't know any more," she told me, an apologetic look in her eyes.

"Thank you," I responded, getting up out of the chair. As I walked away I took out my phone and texted the beautiful stranger. "Christen to Heath: Tell me stranger, what room are you in?"

"Heath to Christen: 108." She replied, that's only a few door's up from me. I made my way up the first few sets of stairs on the way to the living quarters of the college, stepping two at a time. I skipped past almost all of the doors until I found it, one hundred and eight. I stood still for a little while, I don't know why, I was nervous I suppose.

Finally I knocked, a little timidly, but it was done now. She opened the door in a pair of sweatpants and a jumper that was missing its midriff section. I looked her up and down for the second time today. She was breathtaking, muscular and feminine, soft and masculine, her skin was sun kissed with a perfect tan, her stomach was covered in muscle and freckles, I counted her abs... six. "Look, I understand what happened, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, we can pretend that this whole thing didn't happen," she finally said, ending the awkward silence between us. I didn't want to forget about her, but I didn't want to know her that way either.

She began to close the door to her room, "Wait! At least tell me your name," I asked, putting my foot against her door.

"Tobin," she replied, her voice was deep and husky, sweet like honey. "If you want a friend, you can come in, as long as it's not going to make you feel awkward or anything," she added, opening the door up again. I nodded and followed her inside, her room was immaculate, it smelt almost as good as her. "I was about to watch a movie if you wanted to join?" she asked, walking toward her couch.

"Sure," I answered nervously. I followed her and sat on the opposite end of the couch, she flicked on the T.V and pulled up Netflix. She had a few action movies in her watchlist, ultimately picking the first one there. I hadn't seen the title, I was too busy letting my mind play around with the thoughts of the past weeks. She would glance over at random moments, I knew this because I hadn't stopped looking at her since I sat down, or well, since she opened the door.

"I can see you," she joked, raising her eyebrows and glancing over again. I blushed deep red and turned to look at the T.V for almost the first time in half an hour. "What are you thinking about?" she asked, trying to make the tension a little less awkward.

I let myself think for a few moments so I wouldn't spend the whole sentence stumbling over my words. "I uh, well, I just...well I had started catching feelings over text- I know it sounds weird! I'm just, I haven't really felt them go away yet. Like, you haven't done anything wrong, I just expected because you were a woman that they'd go away," My cheeks got warmer as I blushed deeper, she smiled at me and nodded.

"Maybe you're not so straight after all...Chris," She replied, I liked the way she had made me a nickname already, it sounded so sweet coming from her.

"I definitely am! I always have been," I replied quickly, although I was doubting that myself at the moment.

"Yeah that's definitely fair, if it makes you feel better about the text thing, I had kind of felt something too," she added, turning her attention back to the T.V once more.

We sat in silence for a further half an hour as the movie came to a close, I decided it was time to head back to my room, it was getting late and I promised to call my parents soon. I got up to leave, my mind in one hundred places, Tobin stood up and walked to the kitchen as I started to walk out. I followed her into the kitchen, my brain said no but my feet said yes. She was filling a glass full of water, her back to me.

In a momentary feeling of boldness I grabbed her by the shoulder and spun her around. "What, you want to make sure huh?" She laughed, rolling her eyes playfully.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked, my curiosity was killing me from the inside. She tilted her head questioningly but nodded anyway. I lifted my palms to her face and leant in, my lips met hers, oh god they were so soft, and tasted like strawberries. I had intended to pull away but I couldn't stop, I kissed her again, deeper, catching her bottom lip in between mine. She grabbed my waist and pulled me closer, I could feel her entire body flush against mine.

I was meant to stop, minutes ago, but I couldn't drag myself away. My tongue slipped into her mouth, she gasped but ultimately reciprocated the action. Before long she had grabbed me and lifted me up onto the bench, my legs wrapped around her waist so she was pulled in close to me.

I accidentally let my hands fall a little too low as I attempted to grab her waist, the unexpected action made her moan involuntarily. I was caught off guard at the sound and placed my palms against her chest to stop what was happening. "I...I've...I've got to go," I stammered, jumping off the bench and almost running out the door.

I speed walked down the hallway and unlocked my door, running inside and collapsing against the inside of the door. My chest was rising and falling rather quickly, I couldn't count my heartbeats, they were far too fast to count.

"Tobin to Christen: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I should have stopped you earlier. I'll leave you be until you're ready to talk about it, if you ever do want to talk about it." My heart pounded faster as I read the message. I felt so guilty, I was leading her on, I didn't even like women, sure she was hot but I didn't like women.

Every time I replayed the moment in my head I got little tingles in my lower body, my daydreaming was all about her.

I decided to text my mum, I didn't really feel like talking right now, not to my parents.

"Christen to Mum: Hey somethings come up, can't talk to you guys 2nite. Raincheck?"

"Mum to Christen: OK, Tomorrow nite." She replied in about twelve seconds, she was worse than me!

Maybe I should confide in a friend instead of letting it eat at me. "Christen to Kelley: Hey, need 2 talk."

"Kelley to Christen: Text or call? Or want me to come over?"

"Christen to Kelley: Text, I won't be able to say it out loud"

"Kelley to Christen: Ok, Shoot,"

"Christen to Kelley: My mystery man was a woman, & I made out with her abt half an hour ago and I can't stop thinking abt it."

"Kelley to Christen: Wow, for real? What do you feel?????"

"Christen to Kelley: fucking confused man"

"Kelley to Christen: I'll bring over takeaway and we can talk about this a bit better?"

"Christen to Kelley: Yes please"


	2. Curiosity

Kelley had managed to calm me down, I was panicking, my whole life had been changed by one person. I'm confused. Simply, I don't know. I've missed two days worth of lectures because I've locked myself in my room, I'd been raised straight, I'd grown up straight, I'd had straight relationships my whole life. Twenty two years of the same thing and all of a sudden it's all been changed. Well it hasn't changed, I'm still straight, I've just experimented a little. Everyone in college does, right?

It doesn't matter. I had yet to answer Tobin's text message, why should I? Well I should, I just don't know how. Today was the day I'd go to class, I'd dress up nice, nothing has changed, I'll saunter to the lecture hall and I'll pretend nothing has happened. I'm good at that anyway.

I shuffled to my bedside drawers and picked my best outfit, a nice tight black top, black leather jacket and some nice matching jeans. Intimidating slightly, but not over the top. Walking to the bathroom I snagged my towel off of the edge of the bench where it had been drying. I ran the water in the shower and placed all my belongings beside the sink, slipping off my trackies and singlet. I looked at myself in the mirror quickly before stripping the rest of my clothing off, testing the water for temperature before jumping in, I only had to adjust it a little.

The warm water washed over my cold skin, I scrubbed my body from top to bottom, when I got to my hips I remembered how Tobin held me, her hands were so soft, so gentle. I began to think about her again, her figure burnt into my eyes like the remnants of fire left in the ground. I had to run the water cold so I could stop thinking about her. I slid down the tiles until I was sitting on the floor, lifting my hands to cover my face, I felt a few tears fall and mingle with the water.

My five minute timer sounded, reminding me to hop out before I wasted too much water. I walked to the bench, placed my hands on it and sighed, I started to towel off noticing how sensitive some of my skin was, mostly where Tobin had been touching.

I had wished it was all a bad dream, but it wasn't. This beautiful girl was stuck in the middle of my confused drama, she must think I'm a basket case. I don't know, I'm lonely, maybe I kissed her because I was unhappy and wanted someone. I just need to let it go.

"Christen to Tobin: Sorry for taking so long. Don't want 2 talk abt it, lets just be friends please."

I pulled my clothes on, running back into the bedroom to grab my laptop and student ID. I was going to be late again, but at least I was going. I was out of breath before I even reached the classroom, fortunately the lecturer was late too. I took a seat by myself at the back of the room and set up my laptop. Youtube was open still from a few nights ago, the search bar showed "Girls Kissing" I shut it down quickly before anyone saw it, I don't even remember searching it, I feel like a confused child.

The lecturer walked in quickly, apologising with something like "Mondays..." before setting up his equipment and slideshow. The lesson went quick, I was doing a sports science degree, this particular class was human biochemistry, which was utterly confusing but I was passing easily enough so it was just another hurdle on the way to a degree.

I noticed a familiar face in the hallway as I exited the lecture, "Hey Chris!" the voice called, I panicked, I hadn't been expecting to see her at all today, or really this week. I turned towards the nearest exit and fast walked away, I ended up outside in the cold, little snowflakes were fluttering toward the ground, a few landed on my shoulders but disappeared with the aid of my body heat rather quickly. I ducked behind a tree and found a partially covered tree, shoving the snow off of the side I sat down, out of sight, out of mind.

I heard someone's footsteps crunch in the snow behind me, turning around I discovered the figure of Tobin, standing with a puzzled look on her face. "Did you just run away from me?" she laughed "I'm gay, not the boogeyman," she finished.

"I'm sorry, I panicked," I answered, grinning at her joke. I shifted the rest of the snow off of the seat and Tobin sat beside me. We sat in silence for a little bit, staring at the traffic passing by in front of us, a snowplow was making its way around the college carparks.

"Look, I know that this whole situation has weirded you out or whatever, but, for what it's worth, you're absolutely stunning, and if you ever realise you're not so straight, I'll probably be waiting around the empty college halls somewhere you know," Tobin mentioned, each syllable came with a puff of cold air coming from her mouth.

I contemplated her words for a little bit, I know she meant well, but we don't even know each other really. "Okay," I shrugged, I got up and walked off before she could continue any further. As I reached the inside of the campus I saw a group of people crowded around a small table. "Anonymous friends" was written on the cardboard sign attached to the table. There were about sixty little flip phones left in a box.

Curiosity got the better of me, I walked over and had a peak at the information pack. "Pick a random phone, another phone in the pile will have your new phone number programmed into it already. Nobody will know who is who, a fun way to make new friends for those who aren't the most social people"

Interesting. I suppose it could be fun. One of the attendants at the table saw my inquisitive look, he handed me a small black phone and explained the basic rules. I thanked him and walked off to my room. I wonder who I'll end up texting with.

"C to ?: Hello?"

I waited for a little while, there wasn't a response. Maybe nobody had picked up the matching phone yet. I started to do my assignments. Another two hours passed as I lost myself in my work, then, a little buzz came from my jacket pocket. I dug through my pockets to find my recently acquired phone.

"? to C: Hey new friend :)

"C to ?: so, how do u think this wrks?"

"? to C: Idk, maybe we could get to know each other?"

"C to ?: Ok, well, I like sports, I love soccer but I don't play anymore. I frequent the night life scene here, I study Sports Science, and I like adventures"

"? to C: You sound fun, I also like sports, soccer too, I like adventures, camping I suppose, I'm studying medicine, its kicking my ass at the moment though"

"C to ?: are we the same person????

"? to C: hahah was thinking the same! Hey, if we feel good at the end of the week, Sunday? Lets go on a hike, no better way to solidify a friendship hey!"

"C to ?: Sounds fun, can't wait! So tell me more about your degree?"

We continued to text for a few hours, I distracted myself from my work, but I was having fun with this new friend. They sounded really nice, and we had so many common interests. I can't lie, I was thinking this whole text thing was going to be really weird but it seemed to be okay so far.

I spent the next two days avoiding Tobin like the plague, the sight of her was enough to be confusing, and every time I did see her, a little part of me began to think "what if". I had noticed however she was carrying one of the little phones from the table the other day. I wonder who she had been paired with? I hadn't seen her texting yet, not to imply that I had been looking at her throughout the times I was avoiding her.

I wasn't jealous. She could text whoever she wanted to, for all I know it's a boy anyway so It wouldn't matter. Not that it would matter if it wasn't boy either, because I don't care. She could get with half the campus and I wouldn't care. In fact,I hadn't cared about anything less than this. I wasn't even thinking about it at all.

"Hey Christen, can I come in?" A voice shouted from my door. I wandered over and realised it was Kelley, I opened my door and she practically fell into the room. "Oh hello, I thought you'd be asleep," She added, rubbing the back of her neck. I furrowed my brows before checking the time.

"Jesus Christ it's eleven thirty," I responded, "I thought it was like eight," I finished, shaking my head a little.

"Lost track of time?" She asked, sitting herself on the couch.

"I was taking part of that anonymous texting thing," I shrugged back, not thinking it was that big a deal.

"What, falling in love with one person over text wasn't good enough?" She laughed back, I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop myself from laughing with her.

"Very funny, O'Hara. Anyway, did you come here for something or just a friend?" I asked, settling on the edge of the bed, it sat beside the couch so made for an easy conversation.

"Nah, well my roommate wanted the room for some nocturnal activities so I was hoping I could crash on the couch," She explained, laying herself down lengthways on the seats.

"Oh yeah, I don't know why you elected to be in the shared rooms. But yeah feel free to crash here, I'm probably going to go to sleep now though because I've got an eight AM class in the morning," I returned, flicking a blanket from the cupboard over to her.

"Thanks man, you've got the most comfortable couch so I'll probably fall asleep now too," She answered, tucking herself into the blanket. I skipped into bed, throwing back the covers and climbing in to get comfortable. It didn't take long before I started to fall asleep.

...

My six thirty alarm startled me out of a dream that I couldn't really remember. I sat up and rubbed my eyes a little only to find Kelley looking back at me from the couch. "Oh sorry, did my alarm wake you?" I asked, shuffling my feet out of bed and toward the kitchen.

"Your alarm, no," She replied, slinking back down into the couch.

"Oh, did I?" I returned, a little confused.

"Well yeah, do you remember what you were just dreaming about?" She replied, adding her own question.

"Not really, my alarm interrupted before I could process it," I answered, preparing the kettle to boil so I could make coffee.

"Jesus Christen, it was a bit, you know, well not appropriate," She sighed, noticing my confused face she took another deep breath. "Fuck you moaned Tobin's name in your sleep," I could tell she was trying to stifle laughter but she wasn't doing a very good job...

"Oh fuck that's embarrassing," I replied, feeling my face flush bright red. "I'm going to shower," I added quickly, escaping to the bathroom, forgetting my coffee and more importantly hiding from Kelley. Wow that's embarrassing. I began to strip and ran the water strictly cold. I noticed a little wet spot in the centre of my underwear, jesus, this hasn't happened before. My body was betraying my mind. How can I get aroused over someone in my sleep, when I don't even like them?

The cold shower water hit my skin and immediately drew up little Goosebumps from all over my body. I was shivering as I washed myself but the temperature meant I couldn't really think about anything in particular. I finished in the bathroom, changed into a spare pair of sweats that I had laying in the bathroom and snuck out to my chemistry lecture.

"? to C: Good morning, hope I don't wake you, I have an early lecture this morning for chemistry :("

"C to ?: Oh me too, that's a coincidence!"

"? to C: No way! I'll stop texting so I don't give the surprise away I suppose!"

I entered the classroom, it was mostly empty, a few seats had been filled, I picked the furthest seat away from people and sat down. As I scanned the room I noticed a familiar looking brunette, Tobin. I was a little confused at first, but I suppose medicine has to learn chemistry too so maybe not so weird at all. I slinked into my chair so she couldn't see me, she was facing the other direction anyway thankfully, I hadn't texted or talked to her for a little while now and I felt a little bad about it. Unfortunately I wasn't ready to face her, I just couldn't. Too many thoughts were already spinning around in my brain, I didn't want to add more fuel to the fire.

The lecturer for this class was pleasant, he was an older man with a full head of thick greying hair, he was more like a student than a teacher. I liked him, we had a pretty good understanding of each other, he knew each students learning style and usually adapted assignments and other after hours work to an individuals needs. I wish there were more teachers like him, if high school had of had teachers anything like him, everyone would be at Harvard, if that's what they wanted.

I spent a lot of the lesson in my head, I had an active imagination, it never really stopped if I'm honest. It made me an excellent creative writer though, although I hadn't written much since high school English if I'm honest. I made one hundred scenarios up in my head before ever making a decision, did it make me smarter or indecisive? I'm not sure.

I had spent the last few days scrolling through my Instagram and liking pictures from the men's CrossFit page, they were perhaps the most manly people I could think of, and if I liked them then I would know that I was normal again. I was sick of waking up to cold showers and scrubbing the thoughts of naked women- a naked woman out of my mind.

I was a homebody, but these past few days I took that label to the extreme. I think I'd gone to class and gone straight back to the room, I hadn't left for anything else, I skipped the next self help meeting thing I'd been going to, after all I knew who'd be there.

"Hey, the lecture is over?" I'd recognise that stupid voice anywhere, it hadn't left me in a week, it followed me to bed, it hung over me at dinner, it floated around during a lecture. Tobin Heath.

"Leave me alone," I spat back, panicking, I picked up all my stuff and left the room at pace, hitting my shoulder on the door as I escaped. Her face looked genuinely confused as I ran, possibly even hurt.

I wasn't myself, I wasn't confident anymore, I was suppressing all my feelings until they finally exploded out at once, I feel guilty but I don't know how to reason with myself. I felt bad, I know she means well and was trying to be friendly but I just couldn't look at her.

I unlocked the room door and flopped on top of my bed, Kelley must have gone back, the room was so quiet, I could hear birds, the room next door's T.V, my own breathing and my heartbeat. Will I ever hear silence? I started to drift off into a nap but the buzz of a phone pulled me from my nap.

"? to C: Hey stranger. Rough day, half way through the week, only three days until this hike"

"C to ?: Me too, could use a distraction I suppose"

"? to C: maybe we could share issues indirectly?"

"C to ?: sure, but you go first"

"? to C: Haha ok. I have these feelings for someone I don't really know. They keep ignoring me though. I kinda understand y but its a little bit sad too. Like I wouldn't mind being friends either, but they wont give me the time of day"

"C to ?: Oh thats a little sad :(. I hope they come around soon. I mean, I'm just kind of going thru some things. Something I thought about myself is conflicting with some things that have happened"

"? to C: Sounds rough, hope you can work yourself out so you stop feeling like that"

C to ?: I hope your mystery person ends up coming to their senses"

I continued to text with my new friend for a few hours, I hadn't had this kind of solid conversation with anyone else but Kelley, but we'd met in person first and did similar degrees. Yet I'd developed a bond with my mystery phone contact that was almost as strong, I mean I'm not going to go out and end all my other friendships but I genuinely loved talking to someone who understood my, and liked all the things I liked. We even texted each other through the USWNT game where they played the Netherlands, they had the same thoughts on most of the players and understood the soccer lingo I used.

The texting was going great until they asked about my childhood, I barely remember my childhood really. I remember playing soccer, some of school, some of my childhood friends and playing with them, occasionally sleeping over. I remember some of my cousins and playing with them too, but nothing of great length. I wonder if other people remember much about their childhood?

I wonder what it would be like to be ten again, no responsibilities, still doing mediocre colourings, writing two sentences for homework and coming home to play in the park across the road. I don't remember that long ago, I don't remember much at all before about fourteen. A simple time but no memories.

My thoughts often escaped me, running away like roadrunner, I didn't mind. I needed all the room I could get for my college work, there's only so many things I can store in my brain at once, unfortunately building snowmen at six years old wasn't a memory that took great importance in anyone's mind but my parents, and the photo albums.


	3. Adventure

I hadn't forgotten about Tobin. Not yet. Unfortunately or rather, accidentally, I bumped into her again at the same club that our first meeting had occurred at. Bumped into is a rather loose term, I clocked her from across the club dancing with another girl, I had watched them for a little while before getting mad and drinking a few more shots. Rather than forget and stay away from here, I found myself asleep in her bed at six O'clock the next morning. She was sleeping soundly on the couch when I woke up, how did I even get here?

I had a class to attend at nine so I intended on writing a note on some paper towel with a sharpie and make my way to my room to shower and eat. I began to scribble messily on the paper "Thank you for looking after me despite my behaviour these last couple of days. Noticed you had a phone pal too, hope they are treating you better than I am"

I left the note on her bed after wrapping a blanket around her shoulders, it was cold out and she'd only slept in a large shirt and boxers, I felt a little bit guilty. I tried desperately to remember last night, it was unusual for me to go out on a Friday night, especially since I had an extra tutor class on Saturday mornings. Nonetheless, I was certainly feeling the after effects of a long night. The one thing I remembered was the girl dancing with Tobin, I could still see her grinding on her, every time I shut my eyes I saw them.

Not that my memory bothers me, but I would like to know how I ended up at Tobins. Did I make a fool of myself again? Try to make her sleep with me in the bathroom? I don't know. I needed to talk to her later, maybe she won't be mad at me. My shower was quick, cold, and calming, I scrubbed at my skin for an eternity, I was covered in sticky residue left behind by dried alcohol, my clothes hadn't fared much better. In fact, I noticed that my zipper on the back of my dress was almost completely down when I woke up, god what did I do?

With a frustrated sigh I began to eat breakfast, it was deathly silent except for the crunch of cereal. The silence was interrupted by a knock at the door, who else could possibly be up this early? Shuffling my feet towards the door was a draining task with a headache this but I did the task and opened the door.

Ah, Tobin.

"Oh, good morning," I grinned, nervously scratching the back of my neck, she didn't look mad...

"I brought you some things, how are you feeling?" She reached out her hand and held out a few little white tablets, "For your headache, it's Tylenol" she clarified.

"How'd you know? Yeah I'm not feeling so crash hot," I thanked her with a nod and took her gift of the medicine.

"You were in a bit of a state last night...you aren't going to class are you?" She continued, throwing her hands behind her back and swaying a little.

"A...State?" I asked, hoping she'd give me some more information.

"You got really drunk, I found you being kicked out for being over intoxicated. I tried to walk you home but you didn't know where your key was so I took you to my place," She offered in explanation, it wasn't as bad as I had originally thought.

"Oh, that's a little embarrassing," I cringed thinking about it, but was also a little relieved I hadn't caused more trouble.

"I mean, you also cried the whole way home and kept saying something like 'she's dancing with you, but I want to dance with you' but, you were very drunk so it was probably out of context," she looked like she wanted to laugh, but she hadn't yet.

"There it is, I'm sorry," I had to stop myself from laughing too, but I was a little concerned about the idea of who I was talking about.

"You need to go back to bed, you look sick, and I think you slept for maybe four hours," Tobin added, placing one of her arms against the doorframe. Her arms were so...strong. She had so much muscle, everywhere, I don't get it, but I think I like it.

"I can't, I have a class soon, it's just a little tutor thing for students who want extra," I shrugged, it wouldn't be difficult so I'd be fine.

"If it's not mandatory then you should go back to bed, please," something in her voice persuaded me into thinking bed was the better option.

"I'm not sure, I won't fall asleep here and I'll get bored," I wanted to stay, but I didn't want her to be right.

"Watch a movie and you'll fall asleep, I guarantee it, you look half asleep just talking to me," Tobin laughed, I guess yawning during the middle of her sentence didn't help my case.

"Only if you stay," I don't know why I said that, why did I just do that?

"I mean, sure," she looked nervy at the thought but I don't really know why. Maybe she was feeling a little the same. I moved out of the doorway so she could come in, the door closed behind her, there was no escaping this anymore.

She sat on the couch, almost as far away from me as possible, strange. I picked up the remote and flicked on the first movie that came up on T.V, Finding Dory. Her body language looked uncomfortable, strange. "Hey, are you okay?" her body language had finally annoyed me enough that I had to ask. She didn't answer, just shrugged and kept her focus on the screen in front of us. "What happened last night that you aren't telling me?" I pressed, she looked like she wanted to talk but still, she took her time.

"You're confusing," She finally replied, relaxing herself into the cushions on the couch. I guess my look gave her enough of a prompt to continue, "Last night you were tearing your dress off trying to get me into bed with you. Then when you finally fell asleep after you'd stopped, you started, I don't know, audibly dreaming I suppose, about me. Then you wake up and it's back to normal. It's just, you play with my emotions without really meaning it," her heavy sigh was enough of a hint that she was stressed, but I could see the tension in her face too.

"I'm sorry. I've been thinking about this all week, I just, I've never, experimented or anything with like, you know, the gay side. I don't mean to play with your feelings, I just get nervous and panic," I watched her demeanour change with each added word, I wouldn't say she was happy again, but she wasn't stressed.

I turned to look at her again, for the first time I really looked at her. Her tousled dark hair, her beautiful dark eyes, the little freckles dotting on her skin, her entire face was perfect. I could feel myself getting butterflies again despite my best efforts to stop. She noticed me staring at her again and shrugged her shoulders in response, not what I was hoping for, but I couldn't exactly blame her.

*Tobin's POV*

She was so confusing. I'd catch her looking at me for minutes at a time, but then she'd run away every time she saw me. She was so god damn beautiful, I got knots in my stomach just looking at her, but she was hard to crack. I couldn't figure her out, was she straight? If she was she wasn't acting like it. During the movie, I saw her getting more and more tired as the movie continued to play until eventually she fell into the side of the lounge.

The further she fell asleep the further she slinked into the lounge. She eventually fell into my lap, not realising herself, she must have been dead asleep. She had rested peacefully, not aware of anything, her gentle breathing wasn't noticeable above the noise of the T.V. Her arms had slinked around me at one point, she didn't move them until the movie finished.

That moment was long over, it was dinner time and we had both gone our separate ways. I had been texting with my phone buddy for a couple of hours, we agreed to meet at the bottom of the south street hiking trail at ten tomorrow morning. I craved something else now though, I had the number of the girl from the bar last night, I was tempted to call her and have her come over, but I felt a little guilty at the thought. I was somehow waiting for Christen, but I wasn't sure she'd ever come to terms with what she was fighting.

Fuck it, I'll text her. I don't even remember her name.

"Tobin to ?: Come over????"

"? to Tobin: Sure"

I waited nervously for my new acquaintance to turn up, I knew what I wanted, at least this girl had come to terms with her identity. After fifteen minutes I heard a knock at the door, I almost ran but reminded myself this would be the best distraction. She entered the room the second I opened the door adding "I'm not interested in small talk," The mystery blonde was forward the minute I opened the door. She was beautiful, a stereotypical surfer girl, tall, wavy blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a beautiful tan. She wasn't what I really desired, but I was still drooling at the thought of her.

She closed the door behind her and immediately had me against the wall of the dorm. I gripped her waist and dragged her in close, her lips found mine instantly, her tongue slipped into my mouth as she started to drag the zipper of my jeans down. I shuffled a little and my jeans fell around my ankles, my mystery girl slipped her hand under the fabric of my boxers, fuck. I dropped my head into her neck as she began to work on me, using her index finger she rubbed small circles around my clit.

I was stuck grinding against her hand as she kept the same pace, eventually stopping to instead drop to her knees. She looked up at me from the ground, her eyes locking with mine as she slid my boxers down until they hit the floor. She lifted one of my legs up and over her shoulder, in the same moment she spread me wide and dipped in toward me with her tongue. She rolled over my clit in a single slow lick, before sliding two fingers into me. She continued teasing and building me up with her tongue in slow deliberate movements, her pace changed quickly and I couldn't help but moan out, "Fuck Chris-,"

******

*Christen's POV*

I woke up cuddled up to Tobin, who won't admit it but had also fallen asleep. I liked being soft with my friends, napping together was always kind of wholesome. I dreamt about her again, we were walking along a dirty riverbed, kicking the river stones under our feet. The water was choppy as wind blew from seemingly every direction. We found a little clearing at the end of the stone walkway and set up a little campfire. It burnt with a soft crackle as little embers danced ballet about us. The cold had long since disappeared and a gentle, blissful warmth had taken over.

I wanted her to stay, but I knew she was confused. I was playing with her emotions without really meaning to, I just hoped we could come to terms with each other's feelings so we could eventually be friends without feeling awkward. Unfortunately I don't think that will happen anytime soon.

I had started to eat dinner when I realised Tobin's jacket was still hanging on the back of my chair. Realising it would probably have to be returned, I finished my frozen meal of veggies and rice rather quickly and picked up her jacket. It was a nice black zip up hoodie, I almost thought about hiding it and wearing it for the night.

"Christen to Tobin: Hey, have your jacket, I'm coming to drop it over"

I didn't receive a text back, she may have her phone on charge. Who knows. I made my way the thirty meter walk up the hallway to her room. Readying my hand to knock on her door I paused upon hearing her behind the door. She sounded like she was groaning...no, whining... oh. Then I heard it, "Fuck Chris-,".

That can't be a coincidence, I wonder who is in there? I didn't matter. I turned on my heels and walked back to my room, there was no point interrupting a good night. I didn't really feel great, but I didn't really feel bad. I hopped straight into bed without changing into my pyjamas, I had a big day tomorrow. I was meeting my mystery texter at ten o'clock tomorrow for a hike, I needed all the sleep I could get.

*****

I woke up at eight, the sound of my angry buzzing alarm shook me awake almost violently. What I would do for five more minutes. What do you even wear hiking? Never mind. I flicked through my cupboard for a little while, semi distracted with thoughts of my mystery text friend. It's cold enough for a jacket, but do I go practical or fashionable? Will they think I'm stupid if I go for fashion? I looked at the heavy duty grey jacket, it was waterproof, the green one, not so much. Grey it is.

Pants? Shorts? Fuck it, shorts it is, I flicked through the pile of shorts, deciding on a blue pair of sports pants. The shirt doesn't really matter right? I peeked into the shirt draw, the black one is nice, it's got a nice lace trim, nobody will see it so I can wear it under my jacket and still feel nice. 

How did it take me half an hour to pick out clothes? Jesus, I've got to bolt. I stumbled my way downstairs, passing Tobin in the hallway as I panicked. I shot her a curious look but she was too busy on the phone and I didn't have time to stop and chat. I had my phone out booking an Uber on my wild run through the campus hallways, the driver was only a few minutes away by the time I reached the front.

The snow wasn't falling today, at least not yet. The ground was glistening with dewdrops, like tiny stars that had fallen from heaven. I caught a glimpse of myself in a puddle at my feet, I looked nice, I hope my new friend thought so too. The water rippled as another person approached, I turned to look around my shoulder and saw Tobin a meter or so behind me.

"Hey, Uber pool?" She asked simply, shuffling on her feet, she was layered but dressed sporty, where was she going?

"Yeah, you too?" I replied, I felt awkward about last night but she didn't know I knew and the whole situation was weird.

"Yeah, cool," She answered, sticking her hands in her pockets. The car turned up as we stood, the silence thick enough to cut with a knife, thank god for timing. We both hopped into the backseat, our routes already confirmed in the app not a word was said other than good morning. 

I hopped out at the chosen destination, turning to say goodbye to Tobin after exchanging pleasantries with the driver, only to find her already out of the car. "You can't be for real," I laughed.

"This is strange," she laughed back. Her smile was so goddamn perfect, oh god she messes with my head.

"Well, you'd better lead the way tour guide," I shrugged with a smile. All this dumb luck, I can't say I'm mad about it. Tobin showed me a worn track that appeared in the scrub and we began to follow the track. It was about now that I was weirdly happy about my choice in clothing, practical but also kind of cute.

We made small talk as we followed this trail up the mountain, the higher we got the more snow that appeared. I was excited for the view at the tip but the trip itself was quite beautifully scenic. The trees were covered in snow, they had an eerie beauty about them. All the grasses were covered in a mat of thick snow, little footprints had been left behind by the critters brave enough to endure the cold.

An hour and a half later we reached a flat area at the top of the mountain, I could see the whole town from up here. "Tobin...It's beautiful," I gasped, it was the most amazing view, the city was sleeping and covered in a white blanket. It was something out of a photo.

"Best tour guide around," she joked back, dropping to her knees to start building up a dry place where she could start a fire. "Hey, see if you can find anything dry that'll burn," she requested, her words accompanied by a cold puff of air.

I nodded and began to search for dry material, there wasn't a whole lot but I managed to find enough for a suitable sized fire. Tobin pitched a day tent to shelter us from the weather, fortunately there was no falling snow and the fire stayed alight. I kept myself warm, scooting closer to the fire every couple of minutes.

"Want to build a snowman?" I suggested we had run out of campfire stories and I knew I was going to ask about last night if I didn't distract myself soon.

"Always," she responded, standing up and offering her outstretched hand to help me up. I gratefully accepted her offer and we got set to work, collecting large amounts of snow into even bigger spheres. I couldn't help myself from throwing a few snowballs, none hit their mark but it started a war instantly. Tobin was a much better aim and I ended up covered from head to toe in wet snow, she finally relented and the torrent of snow stopped. "You should come get warm," she was trying not to laugh at me but I could tell she was laughing on the inside.

I wandered over to the fire and removed my jacket so it could dry, which may have been a mistake because I was freezing. Never mind that though, Tobin opened up the side of her jacket and motioned me in. I didn't hesitate for a second, I snuggled right up into her side, I was freezing.

"Tobin?" I eventually asked.

"Yeah Christen?" She responded, I could tell she wasn't looking at me, but then again I wasn't brave enough to look at her either.

"I uh, I heard you and your, well, friend last night," I started, she nodded but didn't elaborate. "Well, I heard you, you know," I took a deep breath and sighed, "You moaned half of my name," I felt her body tense up instantly.

"It was an accident, I was thinking about y- no, I just wasn't thinking," She added, stumbling on her words, the tough Tobin façade was beginning to fall.

"What did your...escapade think about that?" I asked, quietly hoping it was just a one time thing.

"She doesn't care, it's just a casual arrangement you know. Just an outlet for each other," she shrugged, I could tell the topic was a little sensitive so I didn't press any further. I took a good look at her as the sun began to set, her features in the glow of the fire were so perfect. It was like she was hand crafted by the angels, so fucking beautiful.

She looked down and caught me staring, I wasn't so threatened by it, in fact I was thinking about leaning up and kissing her right now. I couldn't bring myself to do it, but god was I close. She makes me feel so good. I hadn't felt such an instant attraction to anyone else before. Except with her, she was magnetic, she was unearthly, a blessing. I feel like I've already confused her enough though, kissing her would probably not work in my favour. I was appreciating just hanging in her jacket in the warmth for now, I felt safe, I felt comfortable.

Maybe I could talk to her properly tomorrow, maybe I haven't burnt all my bridges just yet. Unlikely but it was always worth a shot I suppose, I'd planned the whole conversation in my head. More than likely it would never happen, I was scared of everything and she was not an exception unfortunately.


	4. Aftermath

This was the first shower I had in over two weeks that wasn't as cold as outside currently was. There was so much steam in here I could barely see my own reflection, but the warm water was a much nicer compromise. I felt five again, drawing pictures in the condensation on the glass panes, swirls and shapes.

My five minute timer buzzed, for the first time in a little while I felt myself reluctant to jump out, but I knew I'd have to or the annoying sound would continue. With a great huff I turned off the water and hopped out, after turning off the phone I began to dab at my hair in small patches, drying it off in sections. I turned on my playlist of songs and started my morning routine, I began to wrap my towel around my body when I heard a knock at the door.

"Hang on I'm just changing real quick," I called out, skipping most of my tasks but remembering to throw on a set of sweats and a jumper. I walked out towards the door and peered through the crack, ah, Tobin.

I opened the door up, Tobin was soaked from head to toe, she had water droplets collecting on her chin and clinging to her clothes. "Hey, uh, I locked myself out of my room, and I got soaked on my morning run. Could I please borrow your shower to warm back up?" She asked, awkwardly shuffling her feet to keep warm. She had a dry gym bag with her, she must have called into the campus gym before coming up.

"Of course, you must be freezing!" I answered, dragging her in by the sleeves of her jumper. "Go get warm, I'll leave a towel out the front of the door for you," I added, motioning to the bathroom where I had been minutes earlier. She nodded and disappeared into the bathroom, clicking the door closed with a soft clink. I flopped onto my bed and turned on the T.V to the morning news station.

I hadn't really expected to see her so soon since our hike, but I wasn't so mad about it. She was one of the nicest people I'd met, after I stopped running from her like a child. The pipes rattled in the walls as the water began to flow again, I hadn't realised how noisy it was from out here before. My mind was flickering with happy memories of building snowmen at the top of a snowy mountain, friendly banter and a warm campfire.

Time passed without much happening, Thursday's were slow, but not this slow. I stared at my phone screen for a little while, hoping for some social interaction, but apparently nobody else was awake at this hour, except the birds and Tobin.

I heard the bathroom door crack open and immediately turned around so I wouldn't see Tobin. I stared out the window for a little while, appreciating a little bird fluttering at the top of a tree. Assuming she had picked up the towel and gone back into the bathroom I turned back around toward the T.V again. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a little golden glow, the bathroom door was open just a little, I wanted to turn away but I couldn't. Tobin had the towel wrapped around her torso but her entire chest was bare in the mirror, her muscle covered back was facing me, glistening with water drops.

I gulped deep and turned back to the T.V, yet I looked back again. In the mirror I could see her entire top half, her skin was tanned the whole way up, except for a faint line where a bikini would sit. I couldn't stop myself from looking further, her breasts were sitting bare in the cold air, I felt a little saliva pool in my mouth. My eyes trailed down again, her abs were the most toned things I had ever seen. I tore my eyes away again, heart pounding a million miles an hour.

I heard a rustle coming from the bathroom, despite my better judgement I looked around again. Tobin had taken the towel off of her lower body and had begun to dry her upper half, swiping at her chest, circling around her breasts and up to her collarbones. My eyes followed the towel until I realised what it was covering was no longer covered. My eyes traversed down her back, her supple figure curving in all the right places, I couldn't believe my eyes. So much tanned skin, I thought that there'd be a similar bikini line on her behind, but there wasn't, she was tanned the same the entire way down.

I ran my eyes back up her back again, looking back into the mirror again, finding Tobin's eyes locked with mine. We stared at each other for a few seconds before she panicked and shut the door. My mind was full of her, it was branded in my memory, every freckle, every dimple, everything. Realising what had just happened I buried my face in my pillows, feeling my face heat up as my cheeks flared red again.

We had been doing so well, I hadn't had anymore, thoughts about her days. God, I should have turned away, but her skin was so beautiful. I sat torturing myself with the image of her naked body in the mirror, her eyes were so wide when they met mine.

After fifteen minutes the door clicked open again, a sheepish Tobin walked out in the clothes I assumed were stored in the gym bag, little gym shorts and a tank top. The sterotype of a sporty lesbian, of course. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise the door was still open," She offered as an apology, rubbing the back of her neck.

"You don't have to be sorry, I shouldn't have kept looking," I admitted, shuffling over in bed so she could sit.

"Are we good?" She queried, sitting beside me she shuffled back enough so that her feet weren't touching the ground.

"Yeah of course, do you want to watch the USWNT and Portugal game?" I asked, flicking through the channels until I found a broadcast with the pregame talk show starting up.

"Yeah that sounds good," she shrugged, she followed me up to the back of the bed and leant against the headboard so she was sitting upright. The lines ups, stats and pregame entertainment continued, neither of us said a single word, the air was a little thick and uncomfortable, but not unbearable.

The game finally started and the commentators filled the silent room, none of them ever had anything overly positive to say, but it wasn't the worst I'd heard. The game flowed without many issues, the US walking away at halftime with a two goal lead. As the halftime show started I felt myself become a little bored, my eyes began to get heavy and I felt myself yawn out. I couldn't really stop myself from leaning on Tobin's shoulder to nap.

****

I woke up several hours later, Tobin was laying flat beside me, she had also fallen asleep by the looks of it. I had my head on her chest and an arm around her waist, to be honest it hadn't really bothered me being this close, I felt safe. I nestled myself back into her chest and closed my eyes again, before I could fall back asleep I heard a soft whisper "They won two to one,".

"Oh, you're awake hey," I answered, not shifting from my position.

"Yeah, you looked tired so I let you nap, you looked uncomfortable so I shifted how I was sitting," she replied, my heart fluttering a little at the simple gesture.

"Oh thanks," I replied, trying my best not to sound shaky. I opened my eyes and looked up toward her, she was already looking down at me with a smile.

"What are you lookin' at Press?" She laughed, her laugh sounded so beautiful, god why does my heart play these games.

"You," I replied, tilting my head a little to look at her better. My heart had never felt like it was going to explode into a thousand little pieces until right now. I didn't let myself think about it, I lifted the hand I had around her waist and placed it on her jawline, sliding one leg between hers I shifted so I could come face to face with her. Our eyes locked for a few seconds while I processed what I was about to do. Leaning down I kissed her softly, my lips pressed gently against hers, her hand gripped my exposed hip as she shuffled a little to face me on the bed.

"Wait...do you really want this?" she whispered, her lips brushing against mine as she spoke. I nodded in response, I didn't trust my voice to explain myself. She tightened her grip on my hip and dragged herself a little closer, my leg slipped further between hers as our lips met again. My hand slid around to the back of her neck where I gripped against her hairline. She dipped her head back down and kissed me again, gentle as ever, soft as always.

This continued for some time, soft chaste kisses with no thoughts. It had to stop eventually though, I dreaded it, I couldn't process it quick enough. "You're not going to run again are you?" Tobin asked, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind my ear.

I blushed a little at the memory of my last great escape, "No, but...don't talk about it for a little bit," I returned, burying my head in her neck as we cuddled. She listened to my request, we just layed there in the quiet for what felt like an hour. "Tobin?" I whispered.

"Yeah Chris?" She replied, adjusting herself to grip me tighter.

"I still feel weird about this morning," I finally relinquished the thought that had been nagging at me for a long time.

"Weird?" She returned, her heartbeat changed when she heard my initial statement.

"Uh, oh god, don't laugh at me. I feel you know, tingly," I sighed, why was I so embarrassing?

"Oh," She breathed out, her breath getting caught in her throat. "Are you trying to say-"

"-Yes, I um, I need your help, I haven't done anything before," I admitted, using my palm to grip onto the neckline of her jumper.

"Never? Chris I don't know, are you sure?" she sounded so nervous, where had big brave Tobin gone? I didn't reply to her, I took her hand in mine, guiding her down my chest, stopping at the waistband of my track pants. Her breathing paused as my movements stopped, finally gaining the courage I guided her under the waistband of my pants.

I took my hand away and left her there, she used her hand to push my thong out of the way before circling slowly on my thigh. "All I can think about right now is you, naked," I whispered into her neck, sliding my hand back down again, I gripped her hand and dragged it where I wanted. My hips bucked up when she finally touched me, I breathed deeply into her neck as she began to rub in little circles.

She only needed to touch me for thirty or so seconds before I felt myself quivering, my body reacting to her touch quicker than I had expected. "Oh my god," I whined into her chest. I could feel her giggling silently, "What?" I asked, looking up at her.

"That was so fucking quick," She answered, removing her hand from my pants.

"Nobody has ever made me, you know, before," I admitted sheepishly.

"Cum?" She responded, shaking her head and laughing quietly. I nodded back, she frowned but I could see her thinking. "That was nothing, watch this," she added, pushing me onto my back and climbing on top of me, straddling my waist. She kept eye contact with me and began to strip off her shirt, there was so much skin, she leant down and grabbed my hands, placing them on her chest. I felt her warm skin under my palms, her stomach was hard, I could feel each ab under her skin, it wasn't what I was expecting at all.

While I was still drooling at her abs she reached a hand around her back and unclasped her bra, letting it fall down her shoulders, and eventually off her arms. Fuck, I was getting wet again. She grabbed my hands again, sliding them up over her ribs and along her collarbones, before she finally guided them over the top of breasts. I could feel every detail, her nipples were hard under my palms, I had not expected this when I woke up this morning.

She let go of my hands again and left me to explore, I followed the curves of her breasts, along the outside then back toward the middle. I watched as little goose bumps formed on her skin where my hands had been previously. Finally I took the hardened peaks of her nipples between my fingers and teased gently, she whined a low sound, she was trying to be quiet.

I wasn't really sure what to do next, but I leant my body up, reaching my arms around her waist to hold myself up. I brought my lips to her chest, kissing her exposed stomach, each ab, along her ribs, down her navel. She wasn't getting what she wanted, I could tell, her whines were low and they were soft, I'd change that. I shifted myself up higher, high enough that I could reach her breasts with my mouth from here. I kissed around the outside, sucking on the skin gently, leaving tiny teeth marks as I went.

I took her left nipple in my mouth, sucking gently on the sensitive skin, biting down softly then returning to sooth the spot with my tongue. She whined deeper this time, louder. I kissed my way over to her right nipple, paying it the same attention. Her whining turned to soft groans, at least I was doing something right.

I felt bad, working her up without touching her where she wanted, in saying that, I didn't really know how. I thought back to a few minutes ago, I tried to tug her gym shorts off but it was a little awkward at this angle. She understood and stood up to flick them off, I furrowed my brows a little, "No boxers today?"

"I forgot to pack spare ones in my gym bag," her face turned a light shade of pink, I took pity and grabbed her by the waist and dragged her down so she was laying on her back. I had to stop and pause for a minute, there was so much bare skin, everything was on show, she was so bare. I hadn't seen so much skin before, not a woman's anyway. It was so goddamn beautiful, so confusing.

I stopped overthinking it and settled down on my stomach, placing my hands on her thighs. My heartbeat was so fast I could hear it over my own heavy breathing, she must think that I'm crazy. "Are you okay?" she asked, making eye contact with me as I lay between her legs.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," I couldn't help laughing, surely it wasn't that hard, I'm overthinking things again for sure.

I could see her face soften from confusion to understanding, "Let me show you?" she sat upright and took my face in her hands, leaning in so she could kiss me softly.

********************

I woke up for the second time that day asleep in Tobin's arms, she was asleep on her back, I had cuddled up into her left side with my face planted in the crook of her neck. She smelt so good, and her skin was so soft, everywhere that I was touching was bare skin. She was still naked, as was I, the sheet was draped over our waists but everything else was bare. Her chest rose and fell as she slept, not a sound came from her as she slept.

I still felt a little hot and a little sticky from sweat, I couldn't bring myself to get up and leave her arms though, a shower would have to wait until later. I noticed her breathing pattern change and she began to stir.

"Good afternoon," I whispered, tucking myself in closer to her chest.

"Hello sleepy," she grinned back, she hadn't opened her eyes yet, still half sleeping.

I shuffled around a little so I could look up at her instead of into her neck, "Are we going to talk about things?"

"I suppose you're feeling a little weird now," she offered in response, opening her eyes for the first time this afternoon.

I wrestled with my thoughts for a little bit, trying to tame the beast that is my mind. "I feel...good," I relinquished, she spent all day making me feel good after all.

"So, where do you stand right now?" she returned, running her fingers through my hair.

"I don't know if I can do anything serious yet," I finally answered, feeling a little guilty for dragging her through all my indecisiveness.

"That's okay, we can just see where things go. If you wanted to," she responded, shrugging her shoulders.

"How about an...arrangement?" I asked, not really willing to let things go just yet, and remembering how she'd phrased what her relationship was like with her mystery woman from the other night.

"What kind of arrangement?" She offered in return, her eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"A friends with benefits kind of one," I answered, taking her face in my hands to look at her. Maybe if we kept seeing each other without a serious label I'd grow more comfortable with the thought of being with a woman.

"I suppose so, but what if we catch feelings?" She offered in response. I could see her wrestling with the decision in her mind, her eyes weren't really looking at me despite her facing me.

"I already know you already have Tobs, I just need a little more time without a serious label. I don't want to keep leading you on though, so know that you can leave this thing whenever," I answered, leaning up to kiss her again, she still tasted like me.

"Okay, does that make us exclusive but without the label?" she asked, that was kind of cute, she didn't want to share.

I thought for a few seconds, "Yeah, if you want it to be that way."

"I do," she flashed her toothy grin again, her smile was my favourite part about her.


	5. Jealous

I was mad, again. I had at least partially sorted out the mix of thoughts swirling around in my head, but now there was a new one...Jealousy. It's not that I was possessive of things, but I was awkwardly possessive of one thing, one person. We went on a walk this morning, just to chat before class and a pretty blonde girl had smiled, and I dare say, winked in Tobin's direction. When I asked about her all Tobin said was that she'd talk to me later about it, then dipped off into her lecture.

I was meant to be learning right now, yet I was just staring at my blank laptop screen, completely absorbed in my own thoughts. It's not like we were together, but we had agreed to exclusivity, whatever that meant apparently. We were friends at the least and sleeping together at the most. I don't know, it's probably not even any of my business. Tobin didn't smile back, didn't wave, I think she may have nodded in her direction, but that could mean anything. There was no point dwelling on it.

The lecture seemed to just drag on and on, it was almost over but I feel like I've been here all morning. My phone buzzed softly in my pocket, I wanted to check it, but I didn't want to be rude to the lecturer. I looked up from my desk to find the lecturer, the middle aged, balding man was currently pacing on the other side of the room, pointing his laser pointer at the powerpoint show. His old woollen overcoat hung sadly from his shoulders, his posture wasn't very good, I suppose that happens with this kind of job. Noticing that he was distracted I pulled the device from my pocket and checked the message.

"Tobs to Christen: Meet me at 12 in the basketball courts"

"Christen to Tobs: Y?"

"Tobs to Christen: Please just come?"

"Christen to Tobs: Okay"

This was undoubtedly to talk about this morning's question, but I wonder why she picked the basketball courts? Basketball season hadn't even started. Oh well, half an hour would decide if I would continue to be jealous or not. I looked at my watch again, time hadn't moved forward shockingly, I started to bounce my leg under the table until I got a side eye from my classmate opposite me. Whatever, he's just as annoying with his excessive gum chewing.

Time ticked on, I could have sworn the clock was getting louder with each passing minute, it ended up drowning out all the other noise. Apparently, I was the only one who seemed to notice this extreme change in noise, maybe I was just zoning out. Ten minutes left. Tick tock. I closed my eyes for a few minutes so I would stop obsessing over the time, except when I opened them, I still had nine minutes left to go...

Finally the clock ticked over to twelve and the class began to file out, I got stuck behind a few slow walkers but managed to go around them after a few meters. I skipped in between people up the hallways until I reached the entrance to the hall, I shuffled in and pushed open the heavy doors, the hall appeared empty. I walked down the stairway and onto the polished wooden floor, my shoes squeaked awkwardly once they hit the wood.

I turned in a circle, looking for my favourite but elusive person. Maybe her class ran late? Oh well, things happen. I walked up across court and into the far top corner of the tiered seating so that if she walked in the doorway, I would see her. 12:25. Where is she? Was she with that girl from this morning again? Of course not, don't be silly. I shuffled around in my seat, my brain went through a few scenarios until it settled on the memory of the last time Tobin and I had been intimate, all that bare skin.

Finally. The doors swung open and there she stood, that glorious beautiful woman. She was scanning the court as I scanned her. She was wearing a dark sports sweatshirt, it was just a little too big for her and hung down past the waistband of her ripped jean shorts. She looked like such a lesbian, shocking I know, but in contrast to me we were completely different. Not that I had labelled myself, but when I envisioned a woman that slept with other women, I didn't fit in. I had changed that mindset over the past few weeks though, I felt a little bad about being so closed minded but at the same time I think I made that assumption to automatically rule myself out of the equation.

Eventually her eyes landed on me, too bad she'd caught me staring again. I didn't really care if I was honest, she knew I had a thing for her anyway. That wasn't why we were here, I just wanted to talk to her about things for a little while.

She made her way up the same pathway that I had taken, slowly taking little steps, was she going this slow on purpose. Eventually she reached the tier I was in and made her way over to the seat next to me. Her hair was tied up, but it slinked over her shoulders as she sat, I wonder if she was even more beautiful with her hair out? I hadn't seen her with anything other than a ponytail before.

"Hey Chris," she grinned, sliding back into the seat, stretching her arms out wide.

"Fancy seeing you here," I joked, she smiled back at me, shaking her head in amusement.

"So, I guess we should have that chat," she began, I nodded, silently hoping she'd hurry up and divulge her secret. "Well, we were going back and forth for a little while, you kept running from me and I was very confused. I met the girl you saw this morning at the club one night, I thought you'd recognise her if I was honest. Anyway, I invited her to my room a few times, to, you know, sleep with. She's the one you heard me with," she kept explaining.

I couldn't help but feel my jealousy reach a new peak. I know we weren't exclusive, or even close to it at that point but it was still uncomfortable to think about her with someone else. I wanted desperately to mark her as my territory, as primitive as that sounded, I hated sharing, but I don't think I was ready to classify what we were doing as 'dating' yet. I know we'd decided that we would be exclusive for now while we worked things out, it quelled a few of my nagging thoughts.

"Oh okay, yeah that makes sense," I finally added, I could tell she was waiting for a response.

"Are you okay?" she responded, noticing how quiet I had become, I nodded and reached out to grab her hand. She looked a little shocked at first but didn't resist the move. I leant across the seat and rested my head on her shoulder. We sat silently for a little while, absorbed in our own thoughts. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong yet," she queried.

I thought for a few seconds before deciding what to tell her, "I don't know, I guess I feel a little jealous. Part of me just wants to mark you all over with 'don't touch' and part of me is a little scared of the thought.

"Hey, you know I'm not talking to her anymore, you're it until you decide what you want," She replied, turning her head to kiss my forehead.

"I suppose, come over here," I told her, patting my lap as an invitation. She tilted her head questioningly, but moved over, she sat upright and slid her legs awkwardly over mine, I must admit these seats weren't ideal for this. I reached up to grab her face and pull her in close, as she got closer, I craned my neck forward so my lips met hers.

She kissed me back immediately, gripping my hair in her palms. She started off slow and soft, gentle and caring, I couldn't help but make it more than gentle by biting her lip. She grinned as I let my hands fall to her stomach and begin to find their way up her shirt.

"We're going to get caught in here, Chris," She whispered, her head nestled firmly in my neck, I knew she didn't really want me to stop but knew I should ask first.

"I can stop if you want?" I whispered back, we had both frozen our movements, her body was resting on mine, yet I barely noticed.

She was silent for a little bit, we just sat there in the empty hall, her legs were still on either side of me, her hands still holding my face as she nestled into my neck. I could feel her soft breathing against my skin, "I don't want you to, just keep an eye out for people," she finally answered.

She leant away from my neck and leant in to kiss me again, her lip balm tasted like strawberries and her skin smelt of a lingering perfume. I had snaked my arms under the hemline of her shirt, the warm skin of her back underneath my fingertips. For such a cold day out, her skin was incredibly warm. I let my hands wander up her back and dance across her skin, making my own patterns, her back arched a little when I kissed her a little harder, pressing her chest against mine.

She held onto my face a little tighter as she opened her mouth a fraction, sliding her tongue over my bottom lip and into my mouth. I let her take the lead, I wasn't used to it after all, my needs had always been treated as secondary. Tobin was different though, she led but she made sure all my needs were met, and then met again.

I felt myself get a little more confident as she continued to kiss me, my hands had wandered around to her front, sliding up and over her chest and up and around her bra and waistline. I knew where she liked to be touched because her breath would hitch a little and her kissing slowed down. She leant away from my lips and returned to kissing along my neck, starting right up next to my ear, I could feel her teeth leaving little bite marks as she moved her way down.

She found my favourite spot, where my neck and shoulder met, I couldn't help but let out a little whine and tilt my head away from her, she noticed this and paid particular attention to this area. Sucking lightly and biting softly afterwards, she was definitely going to leave a mark.

She knew that her body would shield me from anyone else's view, so her movements got a little bolder, she lifted my shirt up to my neck line and tucked it into my bra straps. Her fingertips caressed the bare skin as she returned to place a single kiss on my lips before returning to look at me. I could see her debating in her mind, I think she decided that taking off my bra was far too risky. Instead she opted to unbutton the top of my high waisted shorts, she tried to slide her hand down, but it was still too tight. With a huff she returned to unbutton a few more buttons.

She returned to try and slide down again and was successful in her endeavour this time. She leant back down to kiss me as she began to rub gently against my clit, the angle was far too tight to be inside me, but she didn't need to do that to make me feel good, she knew what she was doing. She went back to kissing me deeply, sliding her tongue back into my mouth as she began to change her pace to be a little quicker. I couldn't help but moan quietly into her mouth as she continued to kiss me, my hands ended up tangled in her hair, clinging to her for some sort of stability.

If she wasn't on top of me right now, I think I would have fallen out of my seat, I slid down a little further so she could reach into my pants a little better. She only needed one finger to work me up and god was she good at it. She continued her pace for a little longer, I felt myself getting closer and closer, I used what little space I had left to grind myself on her fingers.

All she had to do was curl her finger and up the pace a fraction and I was done, I felt myself moan louder than before and shiver a little before my body collapsed back into the chair. I don't think anyone had ever made me feel like this before, ever. I hadn't actually ended up going all the way with her yet, I had gotten too nervous the other day, she hadn't seemed to mind, she said she only cared about making me feel good. But that was going to change.

"Hey Tobs, swap spots with me," I whispered, while buttoning up my pants and adjusting my shirt back to normal. She looked at me with a confused look but hopped up off my lap anyway, sitting in the seat next to me.I slid down onto the floor in the small gap between her legs and the chairs in the row in front of us. My movements were shy, but I eventually gathered the courage to part her legs and unbutton her pants, I dragged her by her hips down closer to me.

Checking over my shoulder for people once more, I looked back at Tobin and slid her pants down to her ankles, I dragged her a little closer, so she was almost completely hanging off the seat and then dragged her underwear down to her ankles too. I used my hands to part her thighs a little more, I nervously made eye contact with her, her pupils were dilated, her eyes almost completely black.

I was hesitant, not because I didn't want to do anything, but because I wasn't sure what I was doing. Deciding I had to bite the bullet before someone walked in, I dipped my head in toward her centre. I hadn't tasted her like this before and I was a little shocked for a few seconds, but I was determined to finish her. Her fingers wrapped in the loose strands of my hair, gripping tight but not uncomfortably.

She dragged me in closer to her, she was so needy. I started slowly, using my tongue to explore as I familiarised myself with her anatomy, I began with a single slow stroke, I felt her fingers flex a little in my hair. I continued this movement for a little while, I wasn't so sure what I should be doing but this felt right.

Thinking back to what Tobin had done a few days ago, I changed it up a little, flicking over the little bundle of nerves quickly back and forth. Her thighs tensed as I worked her this way, I could hear her breathing start to quicken as I continued. I remembered her changing things up often, so I decided to try circling her clit instead, dipping over the top every so often.

I was aware in my mind that basketball practice would start anytime soon, I'd have to finish her off quickly. I let one hand wander down from her thigh, she whined a little as my fingertips danced across her sensitive skin, before she could make too much noise, I sunk a single finger deep inside her. Her grip tightened in my hair and she started to pull me closer again, I added a second finger and began to slide in and out as I flicked over her clit with my tongue.

"Fuck," she couldn't stop her moans now, she may have been doing okay before but now her voice was almost loud enough to echo through the empty room. I smirked to myself, maybe I wasn't doing so bad after all. "Right there Chris," she moaned as I curled my fingers upwards a little, hitting her sensitive spot with every stroke.

Her thighs were quivering ever so slightly, and I could feel her getting tight around my fingers. As I rolled my tongue over her clit once more, I felt her finally start to finish. Her back arched up out of the seat and her centre was pushed further into my face as she began to cum. "Fuck me," she whined as she started to settle, I slid my fingers out of her as she relaxed. She dragged me back up to her face and kissed me roughly, I'm sure I still tasted like her, and now she undoubtedly did too.

"That was good," she whispered after we separated, I stood up so she could reach down and dress herself again. "I didn't think you were such a 'in public' kind of person, you come across shy," she added, standing up in front of me, her chest touching mine.

"I mean, I'm not usually, I just felt different," I shrugged, leaning back in to kiss her once more. "Do you want to go get dinner or something?" I added, tucking my arms around her midsection and cuddling into her body.

She was silent for a second, "Like...a date?" she pondered out loud. Like a date? I mean I suppose so. Should we label it a date? It couldn't hurt I suppose, I was already sleeping with her, what's the worst that could happen? We catch feelings? That's old news anyway, I knew she'd caught feelings, and I had over her silly text messages until I had realised that she was a girl.

"Yeah, I suppose so," I ended up answering, yeah real smooth Christen.


	6. Date

*3rd Person POV*

The older of the two had been longing all day to taste the familiar strawberry lip-gloss that Christen always wore, she found it sweet, familiar. It had only been two hours but she found herself addicted to it, or perhaps it was just the person she missed.

Christen on the other hand hadn't left her bathroom since getting back to the dorm, she was fretting about the date. She definitely liked messing around with the other girl, she loved the way that she tasted, the way she smelt. She'd been getting butterflies in her stomach since she left, a feeling she hadn't found herself experiencing on anything other than a rollercoaster. No man had ever given her such feelings, she knew her body was reacting to Tobin no matter how much her brain tried to fight the feelings.

There was a soft knock at Christen's door, Tobin had wandered up the hallway, seemingly already getting dressed and making her way to Christen's room. The younger of the pair opened the door and greeted Tobin with a grin, she looked her up and down before dragging her inside by the drawstrings of her jacket. Tobin found herself feeling a little strange at the dominant action, she liked this side of Christen.

Christen had kicked the door shut with her foot and shoved Tobin against it, her hands were tugging tightly against Tobin's open jacket. Christen swallowed hard, "Hey."

Tobin found herself a little bemused at Christens sudden nervousness, she used one hand to grab Christens waist and flip her around, her other hand had grabbed Christen's wrist and pinned it to the door. "Hey you," Tobin replied, leaning in to kiss Christen gently. Christen didn't need to reply, she used her free arm to grab Tobin's shirt and drag her in close again.

Tobin took it as permission to kiss her again, Christen seemingly liking the idea, bit down gently on Tobin's lip, stopping her from moving away. Tobin knew where this was going, she wanted her badly, but she was hungry. "What happened to dinner?" She asked, sliding a hand up under Christen's shirt as she spoke.

Christen had spent the last hour thinking about Tobin, she wanted her bad, but she knew they were both hungry. "Five minutes, we can keep our clothes on?" She bargained, kissing Tobin again. Tobin shrugged but nodded, she couldn't say no, her body wouldn't let her, she already missed the feel of Christen's skin.

Tobin slid her hand down from under her shirt and unbuttoned Christen's jeans, tugging the zipper down after. Tobin wasn't sure she'd ever met anyone who was as needy as Christen, but she couldn't complain, she was exactly the same, she craved Christen every hour she was awake. Christen had begun awkwardly shuffling out of her jeans, they got as far as her knees before getting stuck, "Damn jeans," she huffed.

"You said we could keep our clothes on anyway," Tobin shrugged, sliding her hand down Christen's stomach and past her panties, Christen lurched forward right into Tobins grip. Tobin found herself grinning, Christen was needy after all. Tobin's fingers were slick before she had even really started, Christen's panties were already wet most of the way through, she'd been thinking about this for longer than Tobin had thought.

Tobin had tried to slip her fingers inside Christen but the angle was wrong, she used her free hand to tilt Christen's hips toward her a little more. The new position let Tobin slide in easily, she started with a single finger, Christen's eyes rolled back as Tobin slid the whole way in. She was teasing, one finger wasn't going to satisfy her for long, Tobin knew that too. She continued to slowly slide in and out of Christen, Christen's free hand had found itself clinging to Tobin's backside.

Christen's whining was getting needier, Tobin finally decided to have a little mercy on her, she slid a second finger inside Christen, the younger girl instinctively grabbing onto Tobin tighter. Tobin began to thrust her fingers quicker, Christen's whines had turned into soft moans as Tobin's fingers curled to hit that perfect spot. Christen tried desperately to free the hand above from Tobins grip, Tobin didn't need to be convinced to let her go, instead she placed her now free hand gently around Christen's neck, pressing down gently on the sides.

Christen found herself getting more aroused at Tobin's actions, the hand around her neck was a little bit of a shock, but she liked it. Tobin was conscious to be gentle with Christen's neck as she concentrated on making her cum. She slid a third finger in, watching Christen's eyes pop open a little wider as she let out an even louder moan. Tobin added her thumb, using it to rub gently at Christen's clit.

It didn't take long for Tobin's new rhythm to have a profound effect on Christen, the younger girl's muscles tightened around Tobin's fingers. Tobin continued at the same pace as Christen tried to moan out full words, "Please...don't stop."

Tobin obliged, continuing as Christen finally released, her muscles relaxing as she began to shake softly in Tobins grip. Tobin relaxed her grip on Christen's neck and removed her hand from her panties, she dipped her fingers into her mouth to clean off what remained of Christen. Christen found herself a little turned on at the action.

Christen let her legs stop shaking before grabbing Tobin by the waistband of her pants, she shoved her roughly against the wall opposite the door. She stopped to tug her jeans back up around her waist before leaning in to kiss Tobin, she still tasted like her too. Christen was momentarily disturbed by the thought but brushed it off quickly as she got closer to the older girl.

Christen slid her thigh in between Tobins legs to push her further against the wall as she began to pepper her neck with light kisses. As Christens knee slipped between Tobins legs, Tobin felt herself moan before she could stop, she was so sensitive. Christen grinned and slid her leg in a little further until her knee hit the wall behind Tobin. Tobins hands had risen from Christens waist to grab her shoulders tightly, she began to grind herself on Christens thigh while Christen watched her, she liked seeing Tobin so vulnerable, so needy.

Tobins small whimpers eventually convinced Christen to help out a little more, she allowed her hand to slide into Tobins pants and into her slick boxers. Tobin moaned louder as Christen brushed against her clit, Christen panicked about the noise, then covered Tobins mouth with her hand before making a 'shh' sound. Tobins stomach did a backflip as Christen began to rub slowly against Tobins centre, she couldn't stop her muscles relaxing as she slumped even harder against the wall.

Christen liked seeing Tobin like this, her body was completely at Christens demand really, she leant her head down to Tobins ear and whispered "You're so wet baby, cum for me."

Tobins eyes widened for a second, her stomach flipping at Christens sentence, she felt herself get even wetter and closer to finishing. Christen only needed another twenty seconds to finish Tobin off, the older girl felt her muscles contract before she finally released, quivering in Christens grip. Christen took her hand away from Tobins mouth and kissed her gently, "So, dinner?" She asked, all Tobin could do was nod, she was still coming down from her high.

Christen took a step back, adjusted her shirt and ran a hand through her hair, "hang on, let me freshen up real quick," she announced, popping into the bathroom. Tobin was quietly thankful, she hadn't fully come to her senses yet anyway.

Tobin flopped onto Christens bed, her mind was still swimming, she'd just came twice in one day at the hands of a so called straight girl. Although neither of them still used that label, Christen was just calling herself undecided. Tobin checked her watch, Christen had been gone for a little while now.

"So, are you ready?" Tobin asked, Christen had been in the bathroom for over twenty minutes now, there's no way it took her that long to get ready. Tobin knew she was beautiful, she couldn't imagine there was anything left to change or fix that would make her look even more beautiful. Maybe she wanted to put her hair up, maybe some makeup, but would that take this long? She wasn't really sure, she didn't know what it was like to fancy up, all she had done was wash and dry her hair and get changed.

Christen still hadn't answered, she was staring at herself in the mirror, her pupils were still dilated, she was trying desperately to get her feelings back to normal before returning out the door. At a last attempt she splashed her face under the cold water from the tap. It seemed to work enough so she emerged from the bathroom.

The two women locked eyes for a few seconds, Tobin hopped up and followed as Christen began to leave. The two walked out toward the front of the campus and toward all the restaurants in town, they were at least a five minute walk from here. Tobin wanted to reach across and take Christen's hand, but she knew Christen was already having identity issues and that would likely make it worse. Little did she know though, Christen was thinking almost the exact same thing, she wanted the world to see the two of them together, but at the same time dreaded it too.

Christens mind was running through a few scenarios, they were a fair distance from town yet, the streets were dark, nobody would see them here. She sighed silently and turned her head towards Tobin, the older girl was admiring the stars, her eyes fixed up at the sky. She was dragged back down to earth when Christen grabbed her hand and held onto it tight.

She hadn't expected it, she wanted it but wasn't expecting Christen to make the first move. Nevertheless she held on tight, shooting a smile in Christens direction. As they walked further the town lights began to show up in the distance, Tobin was expecting Christen to let go, but instead Christen leant over and kissed Tobin's cheek. Tobin's face blushed a bright pink as butterflies began to swarm in her stomach again.

Christen had thought about letting go, but she felt her stomach flip every time she looked at the brunette, she couldn't deny her feelings, and now that she'd been brave enough to take Tobin's hand, she didn't intend on letting it go. The lights got brighter and brighter, the soft yellow glow was illuminating all of the streets, and now both Tobin and Christen.

Tobin led Christen to a little restaurant at the end of a little side street, it was quaint, the seats were all little booths. It reminded Christen of a diner that she had back at home, she found herself relaxed at the somewhat familiar scene. They took a seat in the back corner, away from most of the other people, Tobin was aware of Christens anxiety about the gay thing, so she made an effort to take her as far away from people as she could.

Tobin sat across from the dark haired girl, she couldn't help herself, she stared at her as she picked up a menu and began to read. Tobin watched as her eyes scanned the page, she noticed every little freckle, she watched as her eyebrows raised, she felt herself fill with adoration as Christen tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. Christen could tell Tobin was watching her, she felt appreciated but awkward, nobody else seemed to want to take in all of her features like Tobin did. Christen was secretly watching Tobin too, but from the side of her eyes whenever Tobin looked away.

She loved Tobins beautiful tanned skin, she loved her eyes, they seemed to dazzle in the lights. Tobin was one of the most perfectly put together people she had ever seen, she was sure that if people still made marble sculptures of beautiful people there would be a bunch that looked like Tobin. She had a perfect sharp cut jawline, her lips were so kissable too. If she wasn't so nervous she would have leant across the table and kissed her right now.

Time seemed to pass so quickly when they were together, they had ordered over an hour ago now and were ready to leave. Tobin made sure to settle the bill despite Christens protesting, they settled eventually with Tobin relenting and allowing Christen to do the tip. Tobin opened the door for Christen as they left, Christen found herself smiling at the gesture, when they walked far enough from the front windows Christen took Tobin's hands and pulled her over, "come here for a second," she whispered while checking around for people.

Tobin obliged and got into Christens personal space, Christen took Tobin's face in her hands and leant in to kiss her softly. Tobin grinned as Christen pulled away, she was quietly proud of her for coming out of her shell a little bit more, she leant back across and kissed Christen's forehead quickly before pulling away and taking her hand in her own again.

The soft smile didn't leave Christen's lips the entire walk home, Tobin's voice filled the air as she began to detail everything about her childhood. Christen was curious about her, she liked to listen to her talk, she always had so many stories to tell, this time she was talking about all her childhood camping trips, Christen got the impression Tobin was very much a free spirited person. They emerged on the campus as Tobin finished up her story, Christen found herself wanting Tobin to stay, she wasn't ready for Tobin to go just yet. Sure they were only down the hall from each other, but that was too far.

"Stay with me tonight?" Christen asked as they scaled the stairs leading up to the residential quarters. Tobin thought about it for less than a second before making up her mind.

"Yeah, let me get some things then I'll come over," Tobin replied as they reached her door, Christen nodded and followed her to her room as Tobin disappeared into her bathroom. She emerged with a toothbrush before walking to her draws and finding some pyjamas, the older girl skipped back into the bathroom to change. Christen felt herself wanting Tobin again, just softly though. She knocked on the bathroom door before opening it slowly, Tobin looked a little confused but welcomed her presence.

Christed hadn't noticed at first but Tobin was completely naked again, her eyes travelled up and down over her body before they landed back on her eyes. She leant up and kissed Tobin softly, Christen's lips were still covered in a thin layer of gloss. She had no intention of turning this sexual again, she just wanted to feel Tobin under her palms again. "Sorry, I just needed that," Christen whispered as she pulled away again. Tobin nodded, she thought as much, the younger girl had been staring at her lips the entire walk home.

Christen's eyes were yet to leave Tobin's body, "What are you looking at, Press?" Tobin finally asked, watching Christen bring her eyes back up again.

"I don't know, I'm just...curious," Christen shrugged. She placed her palms flat against Tobins stomach, her skin was warm to the touch.

Tobin wasn't so sure what Christen meant by curious, she'd already seen her naked a handful of times. "About?" The older girl finally giggled, she couldn't stop her amusement from showing on her face and in her voice, Christen was almost drooling at this point.

Christen wasn't so sure what she was curious about either, there was just so much naked skin, a part of her wanted to touch every part of her. "Nothing anymore, you're just so beautiful," Christen finally admitted, running her hands up and down along Tobin's sides. Tobin's face flushed a bright red colour as Christen spoke, her hands were causing little goosebumps to rise on Tobin's skin.

Christen leant over to kiss Tobin again, Tobin kissed her back a little more deeply, she could kiss Christen for hours and not get bored. Christen shuffled forward closer until Tobin was forced up against the sink, even the Christen got closer until Tobin had no choice but to hop up onto the bench that the sink was attached to. Christen, seemingly satisfied now placed her hands on Tobin's waist as she slid in between Tobin's legs again. Tobin let her in close as Christen lent in to kiss her again.

Tobin had no complaints, despite being in an overtly sexual position, neither of them wanted to progress any further. Tobin was the most content she'd ever been with Christens lips pressed against hers, the pair kissed in Tobin's bathroom for over half an hour, Christen had ended up on the sink where Tobin once was. "Bed time?" Tobin finally asked when Christen had stopped mid kiss to yawn.

Christen nodded, hopping off the sink and leaving Tobin to finally get changed in peace. Tobin appeared a few minutes later after brushing her teeth and getting changed, Christen smiled when she saw Tobins bottoms, just a pair of boxers. "Are you really going to walk up the hall like that?" Christen laughed, she was sure that given the opportunity Tobin would in fact leave the room like that, but decided to poke fun at her anyway.

Tobin smirked before answering, "Why? Would it embarrass you?" Christen shook her head in amusement and walked toward Tobins door, intent on leaving before Tobin could chicken out of this new proposition. Sure enough Tobin followed her up the hall and into her room, Christen took a detour to the bathroom to get changed while Tobin made herself comfortable in Christen's bed.

Christen emerged from the bathroom soon after, upon spotting Tobin in bed she flicked off the lights and walked over, "You're on my side," She added, ready to push Tobin out.

"Come get it then," Tobin answered, a playful grin on her face. Christen accepted the challenge, she jumped over on top of Tobin, putting her knees either side of Tobins hips. Tobin grinned, she leant up and pulled Christen off balance so that she fell on top of Tobin's chest. "Okay, goodnight," Tobin whispered, placing her arms around Christen in a soft embrace.

Christen found herself grinning at Tobins playful ploy but settled down into Tobin's arms, using her chest as a pillow. It didn't take either of them long to fall asleep.


	7. Cold

*Tobins POV*

It had been a few days of this casual fling thing, I didn't hate it. I was enjoying the simplicity of things, Chris was still being so soft, even if we were sleeping together everyday. I'm meant to be taking notes on biology right now, but my brain has me stuck on a certain someone right now. I desperately wished to leave and run back to Christens room so we could talk all day and all night again, but I had a lecture to finish.

I wanted to ask her to be mine, officially, but I know she's not ready for that yet. I wondered what she was busy doing right now, maybe she was still asleep like when I left this morning. Who knows. The slides on the board continued to change and I continued to ignore them, they'd be on the internet right? I'm pretty sure Christen takes a similar class, maybe she could help me later.

I decided to scroll through Facebook, if I was going to ignore the lecture I may as well do it properly I suppose. My feed was kinda bland, mostly various sports posts, specifically soccer but there was a bit of hockey and various things peppered in around it. It was at this moment I realised Christen and I weren't actually friends yet, I typed her name into the search bar atop my screen and her profile popped right up. We had two mutual friends already, classmates we shared, one was Kelley who I'm pretty sure was Christens current best friend.

I scrolled through her feed for a little while, she didn't really post much, but she shared a lot of things. I managed to find myself in 2017 territory pretty quickly and one of her old profile pictures appeared, she had the worlds biggest smile on her face and a cute little bucket hat. Without thinking anything of it I clicked 'Like' and began to scroll down further. It wasn't til a few seconds later that I realised what I had done, in a panic I scrolled back up frantically to undo the mess I had made.

Sighing audible I dropped my forehead into my palm and shook my head, what an idiot. I sent the friend request and immediately shut the website down. I'd basically dug my own grave and buried myself in shame at this point, but perhaps she hadn't noticed...

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket before I even got to finish processing my thought, "Chris to Tobin: Hey stalker... ;)"

"Tobin to Chris: Was kinda hoping u hadn't noticed, oops" I shot back, looking up to make sure the lecturer wasn't paying any attention to me and my phone.

"Chris to Tobin: Oh I definitely did. I'm flattered that u would rather stalk me than listen to a lecture though"

"Tobin to Chris: I'm probably going to regret that decision come exam time"

"Chris to Tobin: I'll help you, I know some things, Biology right?"

"Tobin to Chris: Now who's the stalker? Yeah Bio"

"Chris to Tobin: I memorised your timetable so if I wanted to surprise you sometime I'd know where you were"

"Tobin to Chris: That's sweet...surely that's code for sex though"

"Chris to Tobin: You're just addicting like that ;)"

I felt a little put down by her texts, it started sweet but it proved my own suspicions. I know we agreed this whole thing was basically friends with benefits, but it mostly just felt like the benefits part at this point. It wasn't so bad for her because she didn't even know if she had feelings or not, but for me, it was almost torture. I wanted to kiss her softly without it leading anywhere else, I wanted to hold her in my arms all the time, not just after she'd finished in bed. Maybe that day would come, maybe it wouldn't, it hurt so bad because I might never hear the answer that I wanted.

Never mind that situation, being lost in thought had apparently wasted enough time for the class to finish. I packed up my things and left without a word, making my way toward the dorm rooms in a fast walk. I slid the spare key into Christens door, she gave me one yesterday so I could come back after my early lecture without knocking in case she was still asleep. That didn't matter much though seeing as she was already wide awake and sitting on her couch and had been texting me.

"Good morning," I offered as I made my way toward her. She smiled softly, looking as if she had only just woken up, but I knew for a fact she'd been up for at least half an hour if texts were anything to go by.

"Hey," eventually responded, "How was your lecture?" She added, presumably sensing a little bit of awkwardness in the air.

"If I listened to any of it I would tell you," I joked back, rubbing the back of my neck nervously. I had never had an issue being around women, and the fact this one made me nervous was beyond confusing and a little irritating.

Her lips turned upward slightly, apparently I'm still a little funny. "Want me to help with some stuff?" She responded, locking eyes with me.

"I mean, sure," I shrugged, I have a feeling I know where this is going.

"Maybe we can help each other out here...Strip for me," She demanded softly. I fought the urge to roll my eyes playfully at her, somewhat succeeding and only giving her a raised eyebrow instead.

"You do know that the class was a little more difficult than "Name these various body parts," right?" I asked in return, although her initial idea had kind of made me feel some sort of way.

"Yeah, but just in case you've forgotten the basics we should start at the beginning," she retorted, sinking a little further back into her couch. I shrugged at the proposal, I knew where it was going to end up at, but then again, I didn't hate the idea.

I felt a little nervous as she sat staring up at me, we were intimate often, but this was definitely new. I locked eyes with her, her pupils had expanded to cover most of her eye by now. She bit her bottom lip softly and finally spoke again, "are you going to get naked or are you just going to stand there?" She teased playfully. I knew what she wanted, and I wanted it too, but the thought was daunting.

I slowly slipped my shirt up over my head, flicking it across the room and onto the floor. Christen began to open her mouth to speak but I put my fingers to my lips in a motion to hush her. If she spoke I'd inevitably get nervous again. I walked a bit closer to her before sliding the left side strap of my bra down my arm, then the right. I waited a little, I knew the suspense would only build more tension. Eventually I unclipped the clasp and gently dropped the fabric into her lap.

I could feel her eyes burning holes into my chest as she stared, she had seen me like this multiple times now but still, she looked as if she'd never seen a naked woman. I continued with this escapade, I shakily fiddled with my belt buckle before sliding it out from around my waist and onto the floor, it fell with a gentle thud that distracted me momentarily.

Christens eyes gave away most of her feelings, I could tell she was a little impatient, but I liked to make her wait. I finally reached down to unbutton my jeans, then pull down the zipper, before eventually tugging the fabric down my legs and onto the floor. Her eyes lit up at the sight of the final item left to remove, a simple pair of Bonds briefs.

I tucked my thumbs into the waistband of the underwear and slowly dragged them down my legs, letting them pool in a heap around my ankles. God this felt awkward. I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth nervously and took a big step toward Christen, "So...Uh now what?" I asked nervously.

"I didn't actually get that far to be honest with you," she smirked, her grin was sweet but I knew her intentions weren't. She stood up and was immediately nose to nose with me, I'm almost certain we were the exact same height and this kind of proved it. Her fingertips brushed along the back of my neck as she drew in even closer, ever so softly her fingers danced across the tops of my shoulders and down my arms to just above my elbows. Little goosebumps, like a map appeared wherever she had touched.

I know we just have an 'arrangement' but I feel like all we do is sleep together," I laughed, I said it as a joke, but I definitely kind of felt that way in a not so joking manner too.

"Yeah, I know," she paused and looked up into my eyes for a second, "maybe we could go out somewhere tomorrow, the ice rink?" She finally added.

"I don't want to if you're just saying that to make me feel better about myself," I offered in response. I tightened my grip on her waist, I didn't want to lose her, but...I didn't want to lose myself and my sanity either. 

She looked a little perplexed at my hesitation, perhaps it was 'no' that she wasn't used to, maybe I was being a little harsh. "Hey, no. It's not like that, I promise you," she eventually responded.

She says that it's "not like that" but I know it usually is, maybe it's not fair to expect anything more, especially so quickly. I would at least appreciate a conversation from time to time though. I can't do this... I sighed, "I appreciate your help, but I think I'm going to go back to bed."

I picked my clothes up from the floor and wandered to the bathroom after wrestling from her hold. I got changed in the dark, I didn't want to see myself, not like this, it was awkward enough thinking about it. I turned the tap on and let the cold water hit my hands before flicking it up into my face. I wondered if it would wake me from this bad dream, but I was still here, still living it.

I left the bathroom quietly and then I went out the dorm door without a word, I couldn't trust myself not to say something dumb. Plus it's not like she fought for me to stay, in fact she didn't protest at all so clearly she doesn't really care. This feels...weird. I haven't turned down someone I've had feelings for before, my heart aches but my head is at peace. 

*Christens POV*

I feel so stupid, I didn't say a single thing as she walked away from me, I want her back, I don't want her mad at me. I guess I see where she's coming from, if she came back we'd probably end up in bed, but then again what's so bad about that? I don't know what to do...

I could feel myself pacing, and I could feel the pacing increase in speed as my thoughts raced. I hated people being upset with me, how am I meant to apologise? Do I apologise? If I go to her room, would she ignore me? Is she even there? I flopped down onto my bed, I'll think about it...

I picked up my phone and went to Snapchat, everyone's stories were pretty usual, a few drunken videos from the parties going on, a few selfies, nothing new I guess. I saw Tobin's name pop up in the list, should I watch it? Would it be about me? Probably not she's an adult not a child. I'm going to watch it.

I opened the story and it was just a picture of a little lake. All that panic for a lake? How'd she even get there so quick? She only left like twenty minutes ago. Maybe I should go see her, if she's even still there, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. 

I threw on a jacket and went out my door at extreme speed, I wasn't even aware I could speed walk this quickly. If I just kept walking straight I'd end up at the lake, but then I'd have to find out where she was, it wasn't a big lake but it wasn't tiny either. The ground was still snowy and wet, it crunched under my shoes and the cold crept up into my toes, trainers probably weren't the best choice in hindsight. 

It's a wonder the lake hadn't frozen over on this side of town, it was cold enough to have frozen over weeks ago. The footpath leading toward the lake was getting narrower as I continued to walk, the snow on the path got thicker as less shoe prints disturbed the snow this far from campus, nobody used this path unless they wanted to go the lake and sight see, town was the way and so was civilisation. I was a little concerned that there wasn't another set of footprints, where were Tobin's? Maybe she took the bush track.

"Tobin?" I called out, no response..."Tobin are you here!?" I tried again, silence. Where could she have gone? I would have seen her go back if she took the footpath route. I could see a shape a little further up, they appeared to be trying to hide, but the snow was making it hard to see anything other than my own feet. I trudged a bit further along and found the shape to indeed be Tobin. "Oh good, I found you," my voice had startled her and she looked up with bright eyes, although moderately teary. 

"Oh...hi," She responded. She sounds mad, no...upset. She sounds upset. 

I'd made it awkward again, what a talent I have. "Hey look, I'm sorry," I offered, I swiped at the ground with my shoes to make a clear patch and sat beside her. She'd found a little shelter under some thick trees that mostly kept the snow from touching us, didn't do much for the temperature though.

"Okay, it's fine," She replied, shifting the slightest bit away from me. I had definitely struck a nerve.

I began to add to my apology, "It's not okay, I've hurt you and now you're upset with me, and that's not okay wi-" 

Tobin cut me off before I could finish and began her own explanation, "I don't care, I came here for peace. I know this isn't the same for you, we shouldn't have ever started this arrangement, I have feelings for you, and well, I don't really know what it is for you but I know you don't feel the same. It's fine though, I can take a no, I just can't take being so close to you all the time but so far from you at the same time. We have to stop this, we can be friends but that's it," She responded. Did she even take a breath? That's not important.

"Tobin, no, I came here to tell you something!" I added, but it was too late, she was already getting up to leave.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, I need to do some study," She offered as she walked off, leaving me under the tree and in the cold. Damn, that went...horribly. I could not have imagined that going any worse.

The more she ran the more I wanted to chase. I hadn't had to pursue before, this isn't easy and I half feel like giving up. I guess I could try again tomorrow, maybe she'll let me get more than four words in when she's calmed down. Then again, we'd been going to bed together every night, this is going to be weird, maybe I could convince her to come back tonight.

Maybe she doesn't want to come back, maybe that's the point she's trying to make, I have to figure out myself first. Easier said than done, I want her, but I feel nauseous at the thought of doing simple things like holding hands and kissing softly. Is it because I'm nervous or because I don't like it? 

This is a mess. I picked myself up and walked to my room. Every part of me was cold and my clothes stuck to my skin as the cool air froze the snowflakes that had melted on my clothes. How had she stayed out there for so long?

I opened the door to my room and noticed a key on my table, it was the spare one I had given Tobin last night, damn...that stung more than I want to admit. I picked it up and let it sit in my palm, this feels like a breakup.

I picked up my phone and began to hit the letters as I wrote a text to Tobin.

"Christen to Tobs: I think I have feelings for you."

"Tobs to Christen: If you did we wouldn't be here right now. Think about it some more."

"Christen to Tobs: I'm serious, I'm hurting like this is a breakup, I don't want you to go Tobin."

"Tobs to Christen: I'll talk to you later"

That was cold. I don't like this side of her, where had soft Tobs gone? Maybe she just needed some time to cool off. Maybe she didn't believe me? I'll prove it to her tonight, I'll surprise her and take her out. Just as soon as I kill this nervous nausea. What could I do to prove myself to her? I could plan a super nice date, a day trip somewhere.

She feels this way because all we do is have sex, which is fair, we do. I can't really stop myself, she's so beautiful and it makes me go crazy, I guess calling our 'relationship' an arrangement kind of foreshadowed this. I could make more of an effort in showing my feelings I guess, cuddling and watching T.V instead of making out during every movie, going out adventuring without pausing somewhere to do something risque. That's a thought for another time, I have to plan this date perfectly.


	8. Understanding

*Christens POV*

So far I had come up with zero ideas, none, nada, naught. I've never even planned a date before, what are we even meant to do? If she even says 'yes' that is, I have a feeling she's going to be too upset with me and she might say no and then I'll be upset and the whole situation will continue to be a mess. Maybe I should text her first.

Christen to Tobi: Hey...want to go out tonight?

Tobin to Chris: Out?

Christen to Tobi: Like a...date???

Christen to Tobi: Tobi?

Christen to Tobi: If you don't answer I'll just come and knock on your door

Christen to Tobi: You can say no if you don't want to

Tobin to Chris: Woah chill I had to shower, a date?

Christen to Tobi: Yeah, I know you're still mad at me but I miss you already 

Tobin to Chris: It's been like two hours

Christen to Tobi: Pleeeeeeeaaaaassssseeeee

Tobin to Chris: Okay, okay. When and where?

Christen to Tobi: Meet me here in an hour?

Tobin to Chris: Okay, c u soon

Okay so I've given myself an hour to plan something, and change, and shower. Damn it. Takeout on the river? Takeout on the river. I pulled my phone back out of my pocket and preordered Chinese takeout to be delivered in fifty minutes, then I could pack it up and bring it with me. I hopped and skipped my way into the shower, it was still going to be cold and snowy out so I need lots of layers and probably a blanket too. Maybe two blankets. 

I scrubbed myself head to toe, shaved my legs and washed my hair before jumping out and getting into my bathrobe. I dried my hair with my hairdryer and put it up into a loose messy bun before running toward my drawers to throw on a matching pair of undergarments', before wandering to my cupboard to find something to wear, as I set out a set of pants and a thick jumper I heard a knock at the door. In a panic I threw the clothes on that I wore to class that day, it was the deliveryman, I paid him and put the food away into a cooler bag with a few heat packs, I'm sure they would do naught to keep the food warm in an hours time but it was the effort that mattered right?

I looked into the mirror as I passed by on my way to the bathroom, I had in a quick panic threw on the clothes I had just gotten out of to shower. A tight black pencil skirt and a white blouse, which I hadn't buttoned up because I was too distracted by the food. I heard another knock at the door, I swung the door open and In walked Tobin without much more than a curt nod. "You're going to be cold," I threw out as she sat down on the edge of my bed. 

"Why? Where are we going?" She answered, looking at me and then back to herself.

"Outside," I offered simply, leaning down in front of Tobin to collect a pair of shoes from the floor that I intended on wearing. 

I turned to see Tobin already staring at me, she was somewhat distracted so I took a second to admire her closer. Her hair was up in a ponytail as usual, she had a nice pair of cotton shorts with little stripes and a green button up top, typical Tobin. "If I'm going to be cold...you're going to freeze. Why are you dressed so...never mind" She eventually asked, shaking her head from side to side quickly.

"Dressed like what? I was wearing this to class today and I threw it back on to get something quickly after my shower," I replied, leaning back on my small dining table.

"Please tell me that you're as painfully aware as I am, how suggestive that outfit is. You haven't even buttoned your top up and that skirt is incredibly tight and you literally just bent down in front of me, so trust me, I know," She laughed softly, biting her bottom lip and running her eyes up and down my body. 

I looked down at myself quickly as I processed her words, I guess she's kind of right, but she said that about everything that I wore too. By the time I glanced back up she was standing right in front of me again. "Hi," I whispered.

"I'm sorry for being mad. I feel bad for what I said, it's not that I don't like sleeping with you, I really do like that. I just...sometimes I want something else and I shouldn't be mad at you because that's not what our deal was," Tobin sighed softly, taking my hands in her own.

"Well I'm sorry too, I'm sorry for ignoring your feelings," I replied looking right into her eyes, she formed a small grin and pulled herself in tight so she could hug me.

"Please don't think I don't want to sleep with you, 'cause you're tempting me right now, but maybe we could do something else every now and then too," She answered, taking half a step back from me.

I looked her up and down before contemplating my next move, "Well, nobody said we couldn't fuck before a date," I replied, taking a step forward so we were nose to nose again.

Tobin opened her mouth to speak but instead leant forward to kiss me, I kissed her back whilst grabbing onto her waist and pulling her in closer. "I thought about you in the shower," Tobin whispered into my ear as she grabbed a hold of the waistband of my skirt and dragged me toward the bed, stopping when the backs of her knees hit the frame and flipping us around so she could push me gently onto the bed. 

"Don't do that to me," I groaned back, as she lowered herself to her knees and began to slide my skirt down my legs and onto the floor. She kissed up along my thighs as she climbed up on top of me.

"Don't do what?" She asked with a grin, "Tell you that I thought about you naked again," she added, leaning down to kiss my neck softly before moving up and kissing me roughly, she ran her tongue along my bottom lip so I parted mine a little wider. She slid her tongue over my bottom lip and into my mouth, I met it with my own and she immediately started a bid to keep control.

She finally separated from me and sat upright on my hips, unbuttoning the buttons on her shirt before flicking it aside with her bra as I followed suit and threw my blouse onto the floor. "You know exactly what, Tobin," I replied, she raised an eyebrow and stood up off the bed so she could drop her pants and panties to the floor, before returning closer and grabbing mine by the waistband and dragging them down to my ankles. "I was going to save this for a lot later, like weeks later, but...open my drawer," 

She did as I suggested and turned back to me with her mouth slightly agape, "You want me to-"

"Fuck me like I've been misbehaving," I answered before she could finish her question. Her eyebrows shot up instantly before she scrambled quickly to grab what was in the drawer. I had hidden a strap-on in my top drawer, the thought was appealing to me and it was possibly the only way I could encourage Tobin to get a little rougher, she was almost always gentle, which don't get me wrong, is very nice, but fuck I wanted to be dominated. 

She slid the toy up over her hips and tightened the straps to stop it from sliding back down her legs again. She pushed my legs apart with her hands as she towered over me again, resting the palms of her hands beside my head on the bedsheets. "Are you sure?" She asked, she was staring right into my eyes as she hovered above me. 

I didn't answer her verbally, I grabbed the toy in one hand and dragged it in closer to me, "Don't be nervous," I whispered as she looked back down toward my hand.

She didn't need anymore convincing, she took control and slid the toy inside of me slowly. I grasped at her bare shoulders, digging into her skin with my fingernails. "Does that hurt?" She asked, pausing what she was doing.

"Yes, but I like it," I whispered softly, sliding my hands down her body until I could grip her hips and backside. I rocked her hips back and forth as she gained the confidence do start doing so on her own. She lowered her body down so our chests were touching as she continued to stroke in and out, I let go of her hips and held onto her back as she moved, digging my nails into her skin in an attempt to pull her in even closer.

Small moans started to escape her mouth as I placed kisses along her neck, stopping to suck the skin and clamp down with my teeth, she wasn't leaving until she had at least one hickey. I wrapped my legs around her waist as she got impossibly closer to my body. "Oh god, Christen," she moaned as she balled the sheets up in her hands. 

"Don't you dare stop," I whined back, kissing her lips roughly and sliding my tongue into her already parted lips, as she started to stroke the plastic member in and out faster she started releasing soft moans into my mouth. "Tobin I'm going to...fuck I'm going to cum," I moaned out as my lips separated from hers. 

Tobin was getting faster and harder as I started to tense up, she continued her pace as I started reach my peak, I gripped her so tightly I broke the skin on her shoulders. I felt Tobin's muscles start to spasm as she reached her climax, her rhythm slowed as she rode out the orgasm, as she finished I felt my own climax come on, my head fell back against the bed as I shook gently in my place. 

"That was...new," Tobin whispered, she sounded exasperated as she fell gently onto my chest. She was still inside me as she lay on my chest, steadying her breathing and catching her breath. 

"Has anyone ever told you how good you are? Wait, don't answer that," I replied, letting out a deep breath as Tobin started to stand up, removing the toy from inside of me. I moaned unintentionally as she left, I still felt so sensitive. 

"Just you. Lets get dressed before one of us ends up suggesting another round," she laughed, scouting the room for tossed garments. She threw up my bra and underwear as she picked up her shorts. She quickly slid back into her clothes and walked toward my door, "I'm going to put on something warmer, come get me when you're ready," She called out as she left my room.

I was still laying naked on my bed, I hadn't quite recovered enough to trust my legs to stand up yet. I cannot believe we had an argument about having too much sex, only to make up and well...well sleep together. I certainly wasn't going to complain because I had no self control when it came to her, to avoid the earlier argument all I had to do was show a little more affection and plan a few more date things? 

I've been going about this all wrong, I thought she was upset purely because we had too much sex, but it's not that at all. The amount was fine, it was just, that's all I was giving her. She wanted something soft too, that's a little sweet really.

I popped into my warmer clothes, grabbed a few blankets and the bag of food then made my way down to collect Tobin from her room, she must have been waiting at her door because I barely got half a knock in before she opened the door. She had on thicker chino pants and a thick jumper this time, as she closed and locked her door I reached for her free hand and clasped it in my own. She looked at me out the side of her eye but didn't say anything, I guess she probably wasn't expecting it.

We made our way down to the lake and found an empty picnic table to sit out, we ate dinner there without much to say, I think we were both pretty hungry. I couldn't help but steal glances at her while we ate, she was just so beautiful. I couldn't help myself from laughing at her when she had finished, she had moments before made a comment about how she definitely wasn't feeling the cold, but I could see her shivering in her seat. "What're you laughing at?" She asked, rubbing her arms to warm up. 

I didn't answer, it was a rhetorical question anyway, instead I leant over the small picnic table and kissed her, a simple soft chaste kiss, she reciprocated and smiled as I pulled away and sat back down on my side of the table. "You know people can see us here Christen?" She whispered, her brows furrowed in a soft confusion. 

"I don't care, I'll do it again," I replied, putting my weight on my hands as I leant over to kiss her again, she met me halfway this time and reached her hands up to hold onto my face as our lips connected for a second time. "I really like you, Tobin," I whispered as I pulled away. She dropped her hands from my face and smiled softly.

"I like you too, Christen," She laughed as she sat back down, I guess we already knew how we felt or we wouldn't be sitting here now.

"Come, I've got one last thing planned," I replied, standing up and stretching, my hand out to her. She took my hand and followed me along the footpath until we made our way into a small clearing in the park right in front of the water. I dropped her hand and yanked a picnic rug out of my backpack and flicked it out onto the ground. "Come watch the stars for a little while?" I asked, lowering myself to the floor to lay on the rug, Tobin followed and found a spot next to me to get comfortable. As she shifted into a comfortable spot I pulled the blankets that I packed out of the bag and threw them over the top of both of us.

She was on her back, facing the stars, pointing out different constellations as I sat there staring at her. She tilted her head to the side to look me in the eye, "Did you hear any of that?" She giggled, running one of her hands through my hair. 

"Not really," I answered rolling over to rest my head on her chest. I tucked my left hand around her waist and pulled myself in tight whilst pulling the blanket up a little higher. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed the top of me head gently. "You smell nice," I whispered, making little circles with my fingertips on her hip.

She didn't answer me in words, instead tilting my head upwards with her hands so she could lean down and kiss me. I kissed her back softly, rolling around so I could face her a little better. I started to pull away but she pulled me back in, pausing momentarily to whisper against my skin, "Just kiss me for a little while."

I couldn't refuse her offer, I shifted over so I could sit on her lap with the blanket wrapped around my shoulders, creating a little privacy from anyone that walked by. I lent back down and used my elbows to hold myself upright. Tobin continued to kiss me softly, taking little pauses to catch her breath before returning to place soft kisses on my lips. After a little while she began peppering little chaste kisses along my jaw and down my neck. She wasn't trying to start anything more but she had accidentally found my weak spot under my ear. I squirmed a little in her grip, her hands were gripping my waist and they got a little tighter the more I moved. 

"What's wrong Chris?" She asked as I finally settled.

"Nothing, my neck is just sensitive," I replied, I don't know why but the slightest touch on my neck at any point made me feel some kind of way. 

Tobin stopped what she was doing to laugh at my response, she kissed the top of my forehead before softly kissing my chin and then making her way to the base of my throat to kiss there gently. "How sensitive?" She queried, moving to the left and sucking some of the skin into her mouth and biting down gently. 

"Tobin I'm trying to be good for you and you're trying to give me hickey's! Also, very sensitive," I whisper yelled at her, we were alone but I didn't want someone passing by to walk on over either. 

"I know, I know, I'm just teasing. Now you've just got to explain it to everyone that asks in class tomorrow though," she smirked, laying her head back onto the rug and stretching out. I rolled my eyes at her and joined her on the rug, sliding one of my legs between hers and one of my arms around her waist. 

"You're lucky you're cute, and lucky I gave you a matching one earlier," I whispered, cuddling in as close as I could to her body. She laughed at me and gingerly rubbed at her own neck, remembering that I had actually marked her too.

We sat silent under the stars for a little while, the trees swayed quietly and the creatures of the woods created a gentle ambiance. I felt my mind wonder as I got more and more comfortable. We still hadn't exactly gotten to the topic of labels yet, and maybe that was a conversation for tomorrow, but I knew exactly what it was that I wanted. I hadn't been this sure on anything since I was asked what sport I wanted to play when I was nine. 

I thought about it a lot today, what it is that I wanted to be exact. The more my brain circled around it the more certain I was that Tobin was exactly what I wanted, needed perhaps. I hadn't been a very good friend to her to begin with, and without that initial friendship we had nothing to go on. I'm glad we've agreed to open up a little more, and I'm glad it wasn't too late for us.


	9. Surprise

*Third Person POV*

Christen was leaning over the top of Tobin's couch, watching the older girl as she sat staring intently at her paperwork. The papers that Tobin had strewn across the bedsheets varied in size and colour, some small and bright full of handwritten notes and scribbles, and some larger and plain, typed structured paragraphs littered those. Her pens had been neatly lined up, blue, black, then red, but now they had made the journey to opposite sides of the mattress.

The younger girl looked back toward the window, the snow was still falling, but only in tiny little flakes today, it almost looked like a very light rain. There were college kids playing in it like children, a small group had started making a snowman, the lopsided half melted creature resembled more closely to a troll. Christen tilted her head and craned her neck to peer over at the student sitting on his own, his messy golden curls starting to become a magnet for snowflakes. Christen watched as he stood and walked toward another student, she watched curiously as he leant down and began to roll up a snowball before throwing it in the direction of the student he was walking toward. It wasn't long after that a seven person snowball fight erupted and Christen found herself quietly making bets on the winners.

The dark haired girl turned back toward Tobin, who was already staring at her with a smile, "What're you giggling at?" Tobin asked, stretching out her legs over the side of the bed.

"There's a snowball fight going on...I'd invite you to one myself, but we both know I'd win," Christen replied, leaning her chin on the back of the couch as she pouted. 

Tobin laughed softly before rolling her eyes, picking up a loose piece of paper and folding it into a plane as Christen turned back toward the window. When she was satisfied that Christen was paying no attention to her, Tobin took aim and threw the paper plane in her direction, watching with a smirk as it softly hit the side of Christens head before falling haplessly onto the floor. "You couldn't win a snowball fight, 'cause my aim is better," Tobin retorted, leaning her head back on the headboard of the bed.

Christen's dark eyes connected with Tobin's, she had a piercing intensity that both scared and aroused Tobin at the best of times. "If that helps you sleep at night, Tobi," She shrugged, biting her bottom lip and smiling softly.

"Have I told you how much I like being called Tobi?" The older girl asked, smiling wide as Christens words rang out through her ears.

"I feel like I specifically remember you complaining that a classmate called you that last week?" Christen replied, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head sideways. Tobin thought to herself that Christen resembled a puppy, she displayed so much emotion in her eyes, and the god damn head tilting, nonetheless, Tobin found it cute.

"Yeah but that's different, I like it when you say it," Tobin answered, shutting the lid of her laptop and placing it onto her nightstand. "Kiss me?" She continued, looking toward Christen and attempting to pout as alluring as possible.

The younger woman had no objections to the request, she hopped off from the couch and walked the few steps toward Tobin until she was at the end of the bed. Christen put her index finger under Tobin's chin end began to lift her upwards, relying on Tobin to get the hint and stand up. 

Tobin wasn't clueless, she stood up, making her toe to toe with Christen. Christen leant across to place her lips on Tobin's, her bottom lip slid familiarly in between Tobin's before the two parted. Tobin bit the inside of her cheeks as Christen held onto her waist and dragged her in close, the pair stood with their chests pressed together as Tobin leant back in, placing a hand on the back of Christen's head to hold her close. Christen let the older woman have control as Tobin ran her tongue across Christen's bottom lip, the younger of the pair immediately parting her lips for Tobin. 

Tobin, in an effort to avoid taking things any further and causing a distraction began to part from Christen, who responded by placing another soft kiss on Tobin's lips. "I love you," Tobin whispered as Christen started to step back. Christen raised an eyebrow as she contemplated the words...love, it wasn't something she was sure she was prepared to say back yet. Tobin herself was also contemplating the words, she hadn't even meant to say them, her mind just wandered too far and she let it slip without thinking. "I like you," Tobin tried, attempting to mask the previous slip up.

Christen nodded awkwardly before responding herself, "I like you too Tobi." Tobin didn't know if Christen had heard her or not, but the awkward silence suggested that she did. 

"We should do something this afternoon?" Tobin offered, attempting to break the tension in the room, she rubbed the back of her neck where a bead of sweat had started to form. 

Christen contemplated the idea, she too had study to do, but she liked spending time with Tobin just as much as she liked good grades. "Yeah sure, watcha wanna do?" Christen eventually answered, picking up Tobin's hands in her own, squeezing them lovingly. 

Tobin thought for a moment, she wasn't actually sure. She had asked to avoid answering any lingering questions about what she had just said, and of course because she liked spending time with Christen. "Want to go and see a movie and get dinner after?" Tobin replied, looking down at her hands, which Christen had taken to slowly rocking sideways.

"Yeah that sounds nice. I've got some study to do so I might go do that and then we'll catch up tonight?" Christen replied as Tobin nodded at her. "Okay, text me when you find a time for the movie, I'll see you soon," Christen added, leaning over to kiss Tobin's cheek as she turned to leave.

Tobin watched as Christen walked away, that really had her feeling every emotion today, mostly anxiety at the moment. She hadn't meant to say love, but she didn't exactly not mean it. She was mostly sure that she did in fact love Christen, but she knew that Christen was still going slow, though not as slow as before.

Maybe she could just tell her again later and see if she reacted? Although Tobin was sure she had actually heard her the first time, and if she felt the same she would have said so in the moment. Tobin would rather not say it all if she wasn't sure Christen would say it back, her heart would hurt despite knowing that Christen still cared for her, but possibly not as much as Tobin, at least not yet.

*Christen's POV*

Had Tobin really said what I think she did? Not that it was a huge deal, I mean I guess it is, it's just...we don't even have a label, and we haven't really been doing this whole thing for very long either. I don't know. She didn't try and say it a second time so maybe it was an accident, maybe I just hadn't heard her right the first time?

I'll ask her about it tomorrow, she was walking me up the aisle of the cinema where we were going to watch a movie together tonight. I had planned to ask her about the whole thing earlier but I kept forgetting and then I couldn't work out a coherent way to ask.

The cinema was pretty much empty, a few people were dotted around us, the closest was sitting eight rows down. The screen flashed as it turned on and began to play a surplus of ads and promos for other movies. I sat and stared at the popcorn bucket as I got increasingly bored, the amount of self control it was currently taking not to finish the entire thing before the film started was astounding. 

Tobin was fiddling with the cuffs on her jeans again, for what felt like the tenth time already during the time we'd been together tonight. "Tobi, stop I'll fix them," I whispered as she continued to fidget. 

"It's fine I can do it, they just keep rolling down," She answered quietly, I rolled my eyes at her and leant down toward her feet.

"Stop protesting, I'll do them better," I replied again, pushing her hands away from the material and folding them properly myself. She insisted on rolling them unevenly which caused them to just roll back down again in five minutes. I folded them evenly and usually ran an iron over them when I ironed the rest of my jeans, but I couldn't exactly do that here, so the folding would have to do. "See, better," I added, taking another quick look at my handiwork.

"Thanks, Chris," Tobin responded, leaning her head sideways to rest on my shoulder, "you're the best you know," She continued, sneakily taking my hand in her own and interlacing our fingers. 

I looked back at her, relishing in softness of her actions for a moment before leaning over to kiss the top of her head softly, "I know I am," I whispered as she sunk into my shoulder a little harder. 

"I should have expected that to come," Tobin replied with a laugh. We sat quietly for the next two hours as the movie played on the big screen, it was nice to do something publicly without being so "exposed" to everyone that wanted to look. It wasn't that I didn't want to be seen with her, I really don't have an excuse anymore, I guess I just feel a sort of nagging in my chest when someone looks in our direction for more than two seconds. 

We walked out from the dark room pretty much connected at the hip, partly because I was freezing and partly because it was too dark to see where I was going and I had made Tobin walk out first. As we entered a lighter part of the cinema out past the entrance I noticed another couple walking out of the room that we were in, they were hand in hand and smiling so wide, they looked so happy. I looked back at Tobin, she looked almost equally as happy, but her grin wasn't as big as it was when we were alone and being soft. 

"I want to hold your hand," I whispered softly as we continued walking away from the cinema and out onto the busy streets of town.

"There's people here, Chris," Tobin answered softly, turning her head a little so she could squint one of her eyes at me. I stretched my hand out across towards her own and grabbed it tightly, it was nice, a little weird but it felt right. "Are you sure? You don't have to do this," She added, hesitantly tightening her grip comfortably.

I nodded, not trusting myself to not say something stupid and ruin the moment. I tried my best to ignore anyone who I thought was looking in my direction, although I'm sure I was making up half of it in my head. I don't know why Tobin picked a restaurant so far away from the cinema's, it felt like we had been walking forever and ever, she knows how much I love food and at this point it's practically teasing to continuously walk past every food place in town.

"Where are we going?" I eventually asked, the street lights were getting further and further apart and the open shops were few and far between. 

"It's a surprise," she shrugged, tugging her bottom lip in between her teeth softly as she continued to lead me along the street. Parked at the end of the street was a little red car, it looked familiar but I couldn't quite place why. I tilted my head sideways to try and get a better look, ah...that's Kelley's car. 

"What's she doing here? Are we going somewhere with her? Is this just a coincidence? Tobi?" I asked quickly, furrowing my brows in confusion. 

"Yeah, I asked her to take us somewhere because I didn't want you to see me on the Uber app," she answered as we approached the vehicle, Kelley hopped out to greet us as we finally stopped.

"Hey there you two," she remarked, stepping out and opening the back door for us with a sort of semi sarcastic playful action. 

I got into the car first as Kelley got in the driver side and Tobin sat down beside me. "Hey, Kelley. I can't believe you kept this a secret, you tell me everything," I joked, clipping in my seatbelt as she started the engine.

"Just this one thing, but like fair warning Tobin, I will tell her everything else," Kelley answered, making eye contact with us in the rear view mirror and raising her eyebrows twice. I laughed at her as the three of us began to have a conversation involving a bit of small talk and some topics about college classes, which I mostly zoned out on because honestly, I hear enough about that during the day. 

Kelley eventually parked the car after driving up a sort of steep incline, like a hill. "Okay bye now," she said, turning to face us in the backseat, "No funny business up here, it's muddy," She added as we left the vehicle and waved goodbye.

"Where are we Tobin?" I asked, I could see a pathway but it was too dark to see if it was intentionally there or if it was just a coincidence. 

"Well, remember our like sort of first accidental date? We're back here, but I asked Kelley to take the tourist drive up so there was no hiking this time, our spot is like just through this pathway here," Tobin answered, pulling a torch from her pocket, how had I not noticed that before? She also seemed to have pulled a cooler bag out of thin air, unless it was packed in Kelley's car I guess.

I followed her as she walked about ten meters down a dirt pathway in toward a campsite which already had a rather large rucksack leant up against the log meant for a seat. "Did you put that there too?" I asked, hoping it was a yes because this honestly felt very serial killer-y. 

"Yeah, well sort of, Kelley dropped it off just before she picked us up so that it wasn't sitting out in the open all afternoon," She answered, walking over and unzipping the pack, she pulled out a quick set up tent and various camping equipment. 

"Are we staying here?" I asked, I hadn't really been camping in anywhere but a designated park before, so this was kind of nice. 

"Only if you want to," She replied, lighting the already crafted fire in the middle of the site. After she lit the fire, we both took the time so set up the tent and throw out the bedding. Then we sat down to eat the food she had packed in the cooler that was in Kelley's car. She showed me some of the star groupings that we could see through the clear sky, the weather was astounding, it had snowed lightly this morning, but looking at the ground now, you'd have no idea.

By the time we wandered into bed the fire was barely a glow in a few of the hotter coals, the leaf litter had melted long ago and the wood was almost all gone. I slid into the left side of the tent, laying under three of the blankets Tobin had brought, the tent floor had a thick layer, meaning I wouldn't wake up with a sore back tomorrow. 

Tobin crawled in and zipped up the tent before snuggling herself under the covers too, she turned so she could face me as I scooted closer to cuddle up to her. "Hey," I whispered as I leant my forehead against hers. She grinned and placed a chaste kiss against my lips, reaching under the covers to hold my waist. 

She propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at me in the dark, "Can I kiss you again?" She asked, I nodded and rolled onto my back, dragging her on top of me as I changed positions. She leant down, putting her hands on either side of my head before kissing me again, as I kissed her back her hips began to move ever so slightly as she attempted to deepen the kiss with her tongue. 

I let her have control, though I wouldn't have minded having it right now. She leant up so she was no longer making contact while she straddled me. "What? Feeling a bit...heated?" I teased as I broke the kiss, I sat up a fraction so I could reach her jeans, unzipping and unbuttoning them before she could answer my questions. I dragged them down with her boxers to just above her knees before leaning back down, taking her head in my hands and bringing her back so I could kiss her again.

I let one hand wander down her abdomen and along her hips before sliding down between her legs, "Christen..." She whispered, leaning her forehead against mine. I started to tease her lightly as she grinded her hips against my hand. 

"I'll be quick, don't panic," I replied, sinking two fingers inside of her, albeit awkwardly from this angle. She started to rock back and forth against me as I started to slide in and out of her, her breathing was getting heavier as I continued my pace. I started to rub small circles on her clit with my thumb as she moaned softly, she placed one of her hands on my collarbone to steady herself a little better. 

I added a third finger and started to up the pace a little, curling my fingers the best I could at this angle, "Don't stop, I'm so close," She moaned, grinding herself harder against me. I kept pumping my fingers in and out as she started to tense up, gripping against my collarbone even tighter. 

I started to circle my thumb faster as she reached her climax quickly, sinking her fingernails into my skin through my shirt, "I like when you cum quickly," I whispered, kissing her neck softly before leaning up to drag her boxers back up her legs, as she shuffled her jeans off. There's no way that she could sleep in jeans after all. 

"I can't help it, I get myself all worked up during the day and all you've gotta do at this point is look at me," She laughed softly, laying herself down beside me.


	10. Feeling

*Christen's POV*

I wanted to desperately ask Tobin about what she'd said the other day, but part of me didn't want the answer to be what I thought it was. If she confessed that she did actually say love, then I'd be standing there all awkward and silent. But even if she did say it, I wonder if she meant it...was it just a slip of her tongue, a reaction rather than a feeling? 

That didn't matter so much right now, I had an assignment to finish and if I was truthful I was struggling with it. I hadn't necessarily skipped any class, but I hadn't exactly been paying a whole lot of attention either. I felt a little trapped in my thoughts at time, a little doubtful of myself...

I wonder sometimes if Tobin really did like me, or was she toying with me because she knew I was straight, well...was straight. See I know if it was the latter she wouldn't have been so upset that I wasn't being so affectionate, but sometimes the thoughts just creep in. 

In a weird way, I liked that Tobin was upset with me last week, well not that she was upset but her reasoning behind it. I had this insecurity locked away behind everything else, there was a time when an ex partner got mad at me because I hadn't kissed him the first time we met. He said he had driven over an hour and he deserved it, I wasn't mad at the time because I had feelings for him...but seeing Tobin do the opposite was somewhat reassuring. 

Was there something I was missing though? Why did she take such an interest in me when all I did was push her away? Was there something that she was chasing that I was giving? I guess there was always the possibility that she genuinely had feelings for me too.

The more time with her the more I feel myself genuinely having more and more feelings, I don't see her and think about sleeping with her anymore. Well...I do, but I find myself thinking about cuddling under the stars, and kissing softly over a dinner. I don't know anymore, I just know I feel something. 

When she left my bed this morning for class I swear I actually felt my heart sink, and then when I looked at the empty side of the bed I immediately missed her. I used to see her get up in the morning, more often than not naked, and all I could think about was making her cum. But now I see her getting dressed for class, and the urge is more to make her breakfast than to be her breakfast. Though either scenario was still okay with me.

She was due back at any moment, not that I had been counting. Or stalking for that matter. Sometimes I liked to look at her social media, she didn't post much, nowhere near as much as I did, but that's okay. I was careful not to like anything, unlike her a few weeks ago, liking a months old selfie. I couldn't help but laugh at her when she did, such a rookie mistake. 

I heard the lock to my room begin to clink as it unlocked, then as quietly as she left, Tobin appeared in the room, apparently having finished her morning lecture and returning with a mountain of paperwork. "What's all that?" I asked as she sat on the couch, leaning forward over her lap with her mound of paper. 

"Study," She replied tiredly, placing some of the loose papers on the spare seat beside her as I watched curiously from the bed. She looked a little more lively as she began to relax a little more, "What's happening in your world this morning?" She asked, looking back toward me for a moment.

"I want to be mad at you," I sighed while giving Tobin my best pout, she told me it made her stomach flutter when I did. 

"Why? What did I do?" She answered, slinking back into the couch. 

I relaxed a little on the bed while I thought of my answer, "Nothing, I just have work to do and I can't stop thinking about you," I replied, rolling my shoulders until I was comfortable.

"That's cute," She laughed, "I've got some study to do, why don't we try doing it together? I'll sit on this side of the room and you can sit up there. That way I won't be distracting but if you want to talk about something that's on your mind I'll be just here," She added. 

That was actually a really sweet offer, she could have gone to the library, or back to her room for some silence, because I know that she's told me she prefers silence. Yet she said she'd stay here, more for my own sake than anything else. "You're too sweet, thank you," I answered, looking back at her while I swooned a little internally. 

Sometimes I wish she wasn't so good to me, if she just got mad every now and then I wouldn't find myself so attached to her. But here I am, following her every move around the room with my eyes...god I loved when she wore her little football pants, she was so beautiful. "Stop staring at me and study," Tobin demanded with a subtle softness, I raised my eyebrows at her but rolled over nonetheless to look at my books. 

I'm so sick at looking at biochemical equations, I haven't really even begun to revise my notes and I already feel ready to throw up at the thought of a number. Maybe a little dramatic, but I guess I hadn't really though the whole academic side through when I picked this degree. Not that the scholarship side of it even mattered anymore. 

"Tobin?" I asked, rolling away from my books and my now opened laptop.

"Chris it hasn't even been five minutes," She paused to laugh, "If you work for half an hour we can watch some football?" She suggested, a tempting offer I must admit. 

I pondered for a moment, I wanted her attention now, but I guess I could wait a little longer, "Fine," I gave in. I rolled back so my back was facing her, if I didn't I'd just continue to distract myself. 

The room was filled with a busy ambience, the faint clicking of computer keys and the crinkling of paper and plastic sheets. It wasn't dissimilar to a library, though the libraries usually had an annoying quiet whisper that travelled the shelves and invaded the quiet spaces. I hated our library, the books were set along in long shelves right in front of the computers which meant you had to squeeze in and out of people to ever get to anything. Not to mention there wasn't anywhere to sit in there where there was ever any silence, I liked libraries for their silence, but this one was a nightmare. 

Rolling my eyes I flipped to another page in my notes, surely we were about close to half an hour? Curiously I checked my computer screen, only fifteen minutes had passed. How does time manage to go so slow when I'm bored and so fast when I'm having fun. 

I hated keeping my notes on my laptop, it was far too hard to add symbols and make equations look neat or at least uniform. I liked writing on paper, though I have nowhere to store any of the paper leaflets, so I suffered along with the typing. I wasn't particularly gifted with quick typing skills either, I still had to look to make sure my fingers were hitting the right keys at times, and even then I'd make the stupidest of mistakes.

"Tobin?" I questioned, checking the time and finding it had already surpassed half an hour while I was distracted. 

"Yeah we can take a break," She answered, hopping up from the couch and making her way toward me. I beamed wide and moved all my paperwork to the side and adjusted the pillows so she could sit upright next to me. She joined me by my side and pulled out her phone, playing the Thorns and Royals game from yesterday that we had yet to watch.

She really liked the English women's teams, but we kept mostly up to date with them, especially Manchester United. The NWSL though, we mostly watched on catch up now, it wasn't that we didn't like it, the games just happened to be on when we were in class now. On the odd occasions that our schedules lined up we watched it live too, there's nothing better than watching it live.

Tobin was really getting into the game, mostly keeping to herself. I leant my head down to rest my head on her shoulder, I really could fall asleep here. I couldn't keep myself comfortable for more than ten minutes at a time, my back just felt strained no matter how I changed my positioning. 

The game was wrapping up and I watched as Tobin started to flick through the extras, she really would watch just about anything if it involved a ball. Tobin was trying to show me the NWSL highlights but I couldn't really hear her, I was too busy rolling my shoulders and stretching out my back. I hadn't had any issues with it for weeks, but all of a sudden I've done something, I probably slept awkwardly last night.

"What's the matter?" Tobin asked as I continued to fidget on the bed.

"Nothing, my back and shoulders just feel tense, I cant get comfortable at the moment," I told her as she shut the media playing on her phone off. 

"Let me have a look? I probably know enough to help you out at least temporarily," Tobin offered as she put her phone away into her pocket and stood up beside the bed. I nodded and rolled over onto my stomach so she could try her luck with whatever it was that was going on. "Take your shirt off so I can get to your shoulders, please," she asked, giving me some space to work. I did as she asked and pushed the fabric off the side of the bed. 

She ran her hands softly over my mostly bare skin, stopping in intervals to check different muscles. I could feel her starting to put more and more pressure on my muscles as she worked, it wasn't exactly a pleasant feeling either, everything was just sore. "You suck," I whispered, I meant it as a joke, but the more she touched me the less it was intended as only a joke.

"I'm sorry, you feel a bit tense though. I can try a deep tissue massage but I'm not a professional so it might not have the worlds best effect on you," She offered, putting her hands on my hips and squeezing comfortingly.

"Anything is better than it currently feels, go for it," I replied. Even if she only managed to improve it by five percent, it was five percent better than how crappy I currently felt. Tobin unclipped the clasp on my bra, sliding the garment out from under my chest and putting it aside, I swiped it off the bed in reaction like a cat.

Tobin got up onto the bed and sat herself on top of my thighs, she rolled the waistband of my shorts down enough to expose all of my back. I felt a little weird laying here, a little bare, but I trusted her to do whatever it was she was going to do.

Tobin's elbows and palms started to work the tension in my shoulders as I fidgeted on the mattress, the feeling was almost excruciatingly painful. It felt like she was literally picking apart and separating the fibres of my muscles one by one as she worked the knot. "I know, I'm sorry," Tobin whispered as she swapped to run her thumbs along the muscle instead.

The more she touched the affected site the more I wanted the whole process to finish, but I also knew the end product would be worth it. I just thought that the process would have been a little...nicer? "This is extreme," I whined quietly, not really intending Tobin to hear it but it was too late for that.

"You're just so tight Chris," She answered, starting to knead with her palm instead.

"You tell me that all the time though," I answered with a smirk that she couldn't see. 

Tobin ignored me as she changed the direction she was currently massaging, "This is different," she eventually answered, I could hear a hint of laughter in her voice as she spoke. "I don't know what you've done but literally every muscle in your back and your shoulders is locked up," Tobin added, pushing down with her thumbs. Damn her and her stupid degree, they couldn't teach them how to do this gently?

"Didn't you say you were doing medicine when we first started talking?" I asked, changing the subject from my own injuries. I didn't really feel like discussing them because then it would end up as a whole conversation and I wasn't really feeling it right now. 

"Yeah, sports medicine, and this definitely classifies as some sort of sporting injury, if you don't want to talk about it that's cool," She answered, finally hopping off my thighs and sitting down beside me.

I thought for a moment, I hadn't really talked to anyone about it before, it was a sore point for me and I didn't want to relive it. I guess she was mostly safe to talk to, but then I know how much she loves football...what if she turns it into a thing? "I was going to go pro last year, for football you know. Last game of the season I got taken out by the opposition goalkeeper and it almost broke my back. I haven't played since, and I transferred out here to get away from it," I divulged, sitting upright to look at her, while really just looking at my lap. 

She looked at me with her sad eyes, which is exactly what I didn't want and why I had contemplated telling her in the first place. I didn't want even more pity, it was why I moved colleges. "I thought your name sounded familiar, but I put it down to drunk shenanigans. Why haven't you played again?" She asked, her eyes had a little bit more a spark in them as she thought about the situation a little more. 

"I'm scared it's going to hurt, and the college team has already started training for the season. Plus I'm not here on any sort of sports scholarship, I'm just here to study," I shrugged, "this is going to sound so stupid, but physical therapy kind of scares me because I don't do well with strangers touching me all the time...unless I'm drunk I guess," I laughed, the irony, I met her as a stranger who was touching me, more intimately than any physio would too.

"Trust me, I've seen the squad, you say your name and list even half of the accomplishments that I think you've got, they'll put you in. I'm not qualified by any means, I'm barely halfway through my degree, but I'll do what I can to help you out so you don't need to see anyone else to help you get back to your best," Tobin replied, taking my hands gently in her own, she was so sweet. I really didn't deserve the attention that she gave to me, especially after how dismissive I was to start with.

"Tobin?" I asked softly, my mouth was too dry to form the second part of my sentence, I swallowed hard as I looked her in the eyes. "Wait no, let me get changed first this is awkward," I decided, I was going to ask her something important and I didn't want to do it topless. I hopped up and began my search for my bra and my shirt, I'm sure I put them on the floor somewhere.

"What? You're making me nervous," Tobin answered, following me around the room with her eyes as I finally found my clothes. I threw my sports bra on and chucked my shirt over my head quickly as I returned to stand in front of Tobin, I put my hands out to silently ask her to stand up with me. She put her hands in mine and I pulled her up so we could be face to face. 

"Tobin, I want you to be my girlfriend. I don't want to do this...whatever this is anymore. I can't pretend that I don't have more intimate feelings for you anymore. You make me happy, and I want to be yours," I stated with wavering authority, I could feel my heart just about beating out of my chest with each word that I spoke. 

Tobin stared at me for a moment, her mouth slightly agape, something told me she wasn't prepared for this question. "Are you sure?" Tobin replied, holding onto my hands just a little bit tighter. 

"I'm sure, I don't want to be out publicly all the time just yet, but I want to be able to tell people that you're mine, and I want to hold your hands on every street, not just the quiet ones. I just want to go slow," I responded, I know I'm confusing, but I really liked her, maybe more than I had with anyone else before. 

She stood silent for a minute, thinking of something witty no doubt, "I don't have anything else to say other than yes. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it," She answered, leaning up to kiss me softly.

"I like kissing you," I replied, kissing her softly again and again, soft kissing was underrated and something I would gladly do with her all afternoon. 

"I haven't forgotten about our conversation earlier, we'll continue that tomorrow, think about it later. Just kiss me for a while," She returned, pushing me onto the bed softly and climbing on top of me to continue kissing me.


End file.
